I love my hubby, I love my kids.

So it feels like I have a lot to say lately.. =||

Humm, I am enjoying writing in here again though.

Oh memoriess being written is kinda lovely.

I am back to loving life, it's amazing what talking can dooo. Me and Brad cuddled and napped together a little bit yesterday, that was hugely lovely. A few days ago I climbed on top of him and we kissed all passionately (usually we just give each other lame goodbye peck kisses) and he got hard. It was supposed to be just a goodnight kiss. xD That drove me nuts since I had to leave him knowing "thattt" and I've been craving sex for like everrr and I had to be a good little girl and climb into my lonely recliner so that I and Alex don't wake him and Kailynn all night. I wasn't allowed to have sex yet too because it wasn't 6 weeks after I had Alex. Hum, =] Brad bought condomss for us today. Tehehehahar.

Ughh, I am just loving life so much right noww. I feel like I can just be myselffff and be happy being myself. I don't care what others think about me. I already have my hubby, I don't need to please anyone else. I did my nails all pretty todayyy, for some reason that makes me really happy. They are pink and black. Brad hasn't yelled at me for anything stupid since our fight on Sundayy. We both are in way better moods, like we can just laugh stupid things off instead of getting annoyed. We played Mortal Combat, that was fun. <3 He beat me three times, though I did win one round.

This strange thought came to my mind today.. I was wondering if there is a God, if maybe he is rewarding me kinda for not committing suicide back when I really wanted to. Back when my mother abused me daily and I was picked on at school. Like life just seems to be running really smoothly for me, even after the big fights me and Brad have. It's just my own thoughts that make it hard for me to not fight with Brad.

I feel so lucky to have him and my kids, they are perfect. He was so easy to find, I didn't have to go on a million dates to find the right one. And he gave me the most perfect kids.

I'm lucky to have my friend that I can trust with anything.

If I wasn't still alive I would never know that I can almost forgive my mom for everything and that we could get along and I am really grateful for that.

=[ Fix Your Blog Jennnnn!!

Blog has been removed

Sorry, the blog at jeninolol.blogspot.com has been removed. This address is not available for new blogs.

Did you expect to see your blog here? See: 'I can't find my blog on the Web, where is it?'

Another Talk

Well, we had another one of our talks.. and I'm feeling better about our relationship again.

Now I just wish the relationship was more stable. I'm getting frustrated with these 'roller coaster' emotions. One moment I'm so upset with him I'm convinced I want to end the relationship right then and there, the next we have one of these talks and everything is fine. Grrr.

The most important thing is that I do feel more secure in this relationship.

Stupid Hoodie

I just need to tell myself that sex isn't everything, I guess. Or maybe just love.. Love isn't everything.

He might love me but he's definitely not good at showing it most of the time. It sucks because there's really only like a few days I ever feel loved and I feel like that's just to keep me around for a little bit longer.

Most of the time he yells at me for stupid reasons. Almost everyday. Makes me wonder why he even likes me if there's so many reasons to yell at me.

A couple days ago he yelled at me for wearing his hoodie. I got so upset. He didn't want me to get it dirty or get cat hair on it... made me feel like he thinks I'm a scumbag or something. I felt like he didn't like me at all, almost disgusted by me, why was it so important to get me out of that hoodie? Like really? It's not hard to throw it in the washer. Way to make a girl feel unloved.

Every girl likes to wear their significant other's hoodie, so it broke my heart. I guess I am only allowed to wear his crap if I've gained 30 lbs because I have a baby growing inside me and can't fit into any of my own clothes. He didn't say that but that's what I get from it.

So I guess I will make sure I never make that mistake ever again, even if it breaks my heart. I will never ask to wear anything of his anymore, even if I'm freezing.

I was wearing it because it was the first thing I saw and I wanted to go outside to talk to my dad. When I got back inside Alex was crying.. the first thing I thought about was to look for a bottle so that I could feed him.. not take off a stupid hoodie.