My Shyness

I was just reading a blog about shyness. I haven't even finished reading it but this line struck gold to me...

"Did you not get enough attention as a child or maybe too much, so you learned to be quiet and invisible?"

I could never figure out why I am so shy or quiet.. until now... I really think that could be the reason why. When I was little I didn't want to attract any attention from my mother because I was afraid I'd do something wrong. I was too afraid to say anything wrong and make her angry. I used to choose my words carefully, making sure I didn't make the wrong impression on her. To escape any type of pain I just wanted to be invisible in her eyes.

My mother taught me to keep my mouth shut.

A lot of people say shy people have a fear of criticism and that never seemed to really pertain to me. I don't mind going out in public wearing no makeup. Even though I know I may look like crap and other people will judge me the idea doesn't really bother me that much.. like when I went to my doctor's appointment.. I didn't think I looked all that great because I didn't put much effort in my appearance. I knew I didn't look that pleasant but as soon as I left I didn't feel embarrassed or anything. I don't know.. maybe it could be a slight reason. I know I am a very emotional person and if I find out someone is talking bad about me I can easily cry. Like when CJ and I went for a walk she told me that Brad is related to Kasey's sister.. I'm not really sure how Kasey's sis and Brad are related.. it confused me when CJ and Brad were figuring it out.. probably because I don't know the names to everyone on his side of the family yet. Anyways CJ told me that Kasey's sister told CJ that one of Brad's aunt and uncle doesn't like me.. I'm not sure of their names but I know who they are.. I guess they don't like me because I couldn't get Kailynn to stop crying while we were at Brad's Aunt Brenda's to celebrate Christmas... which pisses me off because if I had it my way we would of left when Kailynn started getting grumpy but Brad wanted to hang out longer since he only sees them on xmas. She was so cranky she didn't open any of their gifts.. we just packed them up and opened them the next day at home.. if that's the reason they were mad I'd understand but it's not the easiest thing to get a 1 year old to stop crying because she wants to go to sleep in her bed and I definitely tried getting her to stop but nothing was working. =\ But I ended up crying finding that out. Finding that out just makes me not want to go over there this year. I will definitely act differently towards them and I couldn't careless if I'm a bitch.

Dad's 44th Birthdayy

Hm, well I haven't posted in a few days because Blogger has been lame, every time I was thinking about updating it'd be down. Nothing really exciting happened anyways in the last few days so hah!

Thursday I did a parallel in front of my house with my dad's help.. I only did one though because it was starting to rain and I was getting wet with the window down and the ac wasn't really doing anything.. not sure if I'm working it right xD

I'm thinking about calling DMV on Monday to get my drivers test donee. CJ told me that you can't do it over the phone though, so I don't know.. I'll try anyways.

Tuesday I have a doctors appointment.. I need to start eating like a pig so I know for sure I gained weight.. ugh. I eat something whenever I feel hungry but I still don't think I'm gaining anything really.. even though my baby bump is big.

I just realized I have a lot of running around to do this week if they don't let me set up my drivers test thing over phone.. I'm running out of prenatal vitamins so I need to go to rite aid, I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday and I possibly need to go to DMV. Roar, and I probably will have to do it illegally by driving myself since Brad has mandatory overtime and most places close before he gets out.

Today is my dad's birthday.. have no idea what he's doing for it but he's not home currently. I wished him a happy birthday.. I don't think I got my mom anything for her birthday so I don't think I'm going to get him anything.. otherwise she'll get jealous thinking he's my favorite and junk... Maybe I'll buy something they'll both like and use it as a combined gift.. I don't know.

Today we went to walmart to pick up some things we needed. I got a bunch of clothes, some for me, some for Kailynn, and some for Alex. It was actually kinda fun to do some boy clothes shopping for Alex. <3 I'm kinda excited to have a boy. =]] It'll definitely be a whole new cute/interesting experience.

Today Devin went to a birthday party and came home with his face like beat red.. he got his face painted.. they must of tried washing it off before letting them go home, guess the red was harder to wash off. So I washed the rest off so we could go to walmart looking normal.. He had like a line on both sides of his face that looked like really bad scratches far away. I guess it was like a Fear Factor themed party too.. they had to put their hands in icky stuff blind folded. That's all I was told.

Random Walk with CJ

Todayyy was a pretty good day. CJ called me around 4 pm because she was bored and was just sitting outside reading. She told me she was hungry.. I offered her a hot pocket, lol. She decided to come down here to give me company. Brad ended up coming home early too, they both arrived here at the same time.

So we ended up going for a walk around a couple blocks since Kailynn was asleep and Brad was home.. When we got on Willard CJ stopped and talked to some dude that she knew.. I want to say his name was Matt. I'm not sure, I forgot. <> He seemed cool.. While we were talking a dude walked by us and CJ's friend told us that he's a child molester.. and has a doberman dog that he walks.. as soon as he said that he had a doberman I got kinda nervous.. not many people here have dobermans.. & I'm always seeing a guy walking a doberman around my place. I feel like I should warn my parents.. since my sister's are always running around outside.. I probably will once I get done writing this. So after a little more chit chat with Matt or whomever, we continued on walking back to my place... sat at the picnic table my parents have set outside and talked more about random junk. Than CJ left because Corry was on his way to pick her up..

I went back upstairs and Brad woke Kailynn up so that we could go get groceries. It's kinda funny because Brad and I were kinda both kinda excited to do grocery shopping with my car since it has a trunk that actually works.. Brad's back door handle on his truck was broken ever since we got it so it was always a pain in the butt to pack groceries in it. It's funny because it's such a simple little thing we were looking forward too.

We spent way too much on groceries.. Tops must be a lot more expensive than Walmart because we don't usually spend that much money on one weeks worth of groceries when we go to Walmart.

The cashier dude was really talkative/friendly. He gave Kailynn an orange paid sticker, lol I put it on her nose and she took it off and put it on mine.

I think I'm finally good with reversing... I just needed to read crap to figure it out since Brad wasn't very good at teaching me nicely. >=\ I pulled out of my parking spot going the right direction =]]

Yesterday was Mother's Day

Yesterday was a pretty good day.. besides me being sick the night before.. I barely got any sleep.. so I slept in a little since Brad was home. Brad eventually woke me up with two cards in his hands. <3 One from "Kailynn" and one from him. So cute. I love him.

So I got two cards, a car, and dinner at Pizza Hut for Mother's Day.. One of the best days everrrrr in my opinion.

Before we left for Pizza Hut we noticed the parents were also trying to figure out where to go to eat so we kinda tried to do something together but I don't think the parents wanted to go out to Lakewood but we needed to because we had to take a battery thing back that would help pay for dinner. I drove with my carrrrrr. Brad got annoyed with me again. >=\ He says I stop too abruptly and I know I don't... I slowly come to a stop until it finally stopss and there's like barely any jerk. I wish he'd ride with CJ.. that was bad breaking. <3 Hahar. Love her though.

Is it really dumb to get confused on driving reverse? I don't know for some reason I don't know which way to turn my wheel if I want to reverse and turn to get out of like a parking spot.. Ugh. It makes me feel really dumb. Brad just usually flips out on me if I turn the opposite direction he wants me to go.. that doesn't help.. makes me forget what I did and I can't learn from it. Sigh.. He wanted me to "straighten out my car" when I parked at Pizza Hut it looked straight to me so I pulled out and did it again.. What he meant was he wanted me to park closer to the vehicle beside us cause he thought I was too close to the other side. He fails at talking car lingo to me. =\\

I don't like driving with him.

Right = right left = left just like going forwardssssssss. I think I get confused because I realize that the front is going the opposite direction so it drives my senses whack.

Kailynn is a Turd.

I will be so freaken mad if my car isn't done tomorrow.. Brad's not sure if DMV is open on weekends.. It's supposed to be my mother's day present which is this Sunday. =\ I just looked it up online and it isn't open on the weekend.. WTF. I feel like a little brat wanting my car but I really don't think it should take this long for them to fix it.

Brad came home today during lunch and said he swore he saw someone driving my car. Seems like they are just joy riding with it.. the guy told Brad that they pretty much added 400 (that seems pretty extreme) more miles to the car trying to get the lights to come off because some lights need to run a bit in order to shut off. He also said he's taken it to a few different people and the guy who is going to look at it tomorrow thinks he knows what's wrong. He better know.

I'm just really annoyed right now.. stupid car isn't back yet and Kailynn was a turd earlier so I couldn't really enjoy hanging out with my friends. CJ, Jen, and I went to Alfies for dinner. It was pretty expensive. CJ works there. It was my first time eating there. I had lasagna and it was good, I ordered Kailynn chicken fingers and fries but she barely touched it. Kailynn wasn't in a very good mood probably because she barely got to nap. She had apple juice and was having fun drinking out of that out of the straw, than she threw that to the floor and left a big wet spot. Kailynn just wanted to run around so she cried/screamed because she didn't want to be in the highchair. CJ was trying to make her happy with random things in her purse... first it was her keys, than it was like a bottle of pills that had a childproof lock so she wasn't in any type of danger. Also gave her a can of soup. Those didn't entertain her very long. Than CJ got her a picture and crayons to color.. that lasted like ten minutes before they were thrown to the ground with everything else. I was embarrassed. Finally we left for a little trip to get cheap cigs and gas. Than got dropped off home and wanted to pass out as soon as I got inside but I did not, I just laid in bed for a few minutes.

P.s. Jen, you didn't get your salad...

Finally

My posts prior to this were originally from my livejournal account. I decided I didn't like it anymore (I felt too restricted). So I transferred everything here one at a time. Sucky thing though is I won't be getting any comments from my friend Jen anymore. =[[ She's decided to go with Tumblr since her username was already taken on this site.

I have a feeling I'm going to really enjoy posting here. I already read a bunch of blogs on here anywayss so it'll be easier for me to follow them. =]]

So today is crappy, weather wise. People also came and took my car away around 8 am to fix it. =[ They put it on a flatbed. Kailynn's car seat was accidentally left in there too... hum. I want it back alreadyyyyyy. >=\ Taking them forever to fix it/get it inspected.. I guess they are going to try putting in a different power steering pumpp. Hopefully they can do that and get it inspected tomorrow and give me it back.

My friend Cj stopped by to talk about plans for Thursday. Going out to eat with her, Jen and possibly Ian.. I'm not too excited about seeing Ian if he shows up. We talked a bunch about random stuff, mostly about what she's been doing. Her and her boyfriend are thinking about finding their own place and maybe have some children <3 So cute.