I was just reading a blog about shyness. I haven't even finished reading it but this line struck gold to me...
"Did you not get enough attention as a child or maybe too much, so you learned to be quiet and invisible?"
I could never figure out why I am so shy or quiet.. until now... I really think that could be the reason why. When I was little I didn't want to attract any attention from my mother because I was afraid I'd do something wrong. I was too afraid to say anything wrong and make her angry. I used to choose my words carefully, making sure I didn't make the wrong impression on her. To escape any type of pain I just wanted to be invisible in her eyes.
My mother taught me to keep my mouth shut.
A lot of people say shy people have a fear of criticism and that never seemed to really pertain to me. I don't mind going out in public wearing no makeup. Even though I know I may look like crap and other people will judge me the idea doesn't really bother me that much.. like when I went to my doctor's appointment.. I didn't think I looked all that great because I didn't put much effort in my appearance. I knew I didn't look that pleasant but as soon as I left I didn't feel embarrassed or anything. I don't know.. maybe it could be a slight reason. I know I am a very emotional person and if I find out someone is talking bad about me I can easily cry. Like when CJ and I went for a walk she told me that Brad is related to Kasey's sister.. I'm not really sure how Kasey's sis and Brad are related.. it confused me when CJ and Brad were figuring it out.. probably because I don't know the names to everyone on his side of the family yet. Anyways CJ told me that Kasey's sister told CJ that one of Brad's aunt and uncle doesn't like me.. I'm not sure of their names but I know who they are.. I guess they don't like me because I couldn't get Kailynn to stop crying while we were at Brad's Aunt Brenda's to celebrate Christmas... which pisses me off because if I had it my way we would of left when Kailynn started getting grumpy but Brad wanted to hang out longer since he only sees them on xmas. She was so cranky she didn't open any of their gifts.. we just packed them up and opened them the next day at home.. if that's the reason they were mad I'd understand but it's not the easiest thing to get a 1 year old to stop crying because she wants to go to sleep in her bed and I definitely tried getting her to stop but nothing was working. =\ But I ended up crying finding that out. Finding that out just makes me not want to go over there this year. I will definitely act differently towards them and I couldn't careless if I'm a bitch.
My mother taught me to keep my mouth shut.
A lot of people say shy people have a fear of criticism and that never seemed to really pertain to me. I don't mind going out in public wearing no makeup. Even though I know I may look like crap and other people will judge me the idea doesn't really bother me that much.. like when I went to my doctor's appointment.. I didn't think I looked all that great because I didn't put much effort in my appearance. I knew I didn't look that pleasant but as soon as I left I didn't feel embarrassed or anything. I don't know.. maybe it could be a slight reason. I know I am a very emotional person and if I find out someone is talking bad about me I can easily cry. Like when CJ and I went for a walk she told me that Brad is related to Kasey's sister.. I'm not really sure how Kasey's sis and Brad are related.. it confused me when CJ and Brad were figuring it out.. probably because I don't know the names to everyone on his side of the family yet. Anyways CJ told me that Kasey's sister told CJ that one of Brad's aunt and uncle doesn't like me.. I'm not sure of their names but I know who they are.. I guess they don't like me because I couldn't get Kailynn to stop crying while we were at Brad's Aunt Brenda's to celebrate Christmas... which pisses me off because if I had it my way we would of left when Kailynn started getting grumpy but Brad wanted to hang out longer since he only sees them on xmas. She was so cranky she didn't open any of their gifts.. we just packed them up and opened them the next day at home.. if that's the reason they were mad I'd understand but it's not the easiest thing to get a 1 year old to stop crying because she wants to go to sleep in her bed and I definitely tried getting her to stop but nothing was working. =\ But I ended up crying finding that out. Finding that out just makes me not want to go over there this year. I will definitely act differently towards them and I couldn't careless if I'm a bitch.
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