Stressed

My Aunt Pam wrote on Facebook: "Today I had the Gamma Knife and I'm really glad that's over with!! It wasn't as painful as I had been told....but wouldn't want to go though that again!! That you Jesus for answering all the prayers. You truly are a good God"
I'm really glad it went good for her, I've been thinking about her a lot. I even prayed a little when I woke up this morning. =\\

Kinda frustrated and stressed out at just about anything right now. =\\ I'm 18 weeks today, pretty much half way donee... I need a crib for the baby... if it's a boy a new carseat.. Now I wish I would of gotten a stroller/carseat set that was alright for both genders. If it's a boy, need clothes...

I really hope it's a girl, it will be so much easier since we still have everything of Kailynn's. I'd still buy the baby girl some new clothes but not as much as I did for Kailynn. Sighhhhhhhh, and Brad doesn't really seem to be worried about it like me or even thinking about helping getting anything we need for the baby... "I'm trying to get stuff that we need and I want to enjoy the summer!!" =| Yeah.. all his money is probably going towards his stupid car.

I'm already getting depressed about my new big belly =''[ I just want to be skinny and look young and pretty like I should be at my age. Brad's always watching these movies with gorgeous girls in their underwear or have sex scenes and it makes me feel worse. Makes me want to cry cause I'm just fat and gross with his child inside me.

Oh yeah I have my Doctor's appointment tomorrow. I'll probably find out when my sonogram is going to be.

New Bed, Chinese, Aunts

Yesterday was a bit of a rush... Brad came home for lunch and told me that we were having a bed delivered here between 1pm - 3pm and it was going to be bigger so I had to make more room for it. So I took Kailynn's little toy box out from the corner of the living room and put it in her room and moved the couch over.. The guys didn't show up until it was almost 3, I had to sign a couple things because it was brand new or something.. I don't know. They just left the bed standing up in the corner.. even though I really shouldn't of had, I put the bed together.
The mattress itself was like 100 pounds. I was just going to but the box board down so I knew how much room it needed because it didn't look like there was enough space for it but the mattress ended up falling into the middle of the living room and I couldn't just leave it there because we couldn't go around it or anything. That thing was so heavy and took me awhile to maneuver it.
I really hope the baby is okay... I'm always scared I'm going to kill the baby by lifting heavy things because everyone at work made sure I didn't have to pick up anything heavy when I was pregnant and working.. (I just looked it up and I guess the danger of lifting heavy things is not for the baby but for the mother because your center of gravity has changed and you might not be able to balance yourself with the extra weight so you can could fall and hurt yourself or even the baby.) I thought it would cause premature separation of the placenta but I guess not and I'm not spotting so that's good.

Mom came up here around 6 pm and asked if I wanted to go to chinese and I told her yeah but I'd have to make Brad's dinner first. So I made it and got Kailynn ready for dinner. Brad got home and noticed the bed and noticed it was extremely high up and he sat on it and said he didn't like how high up it was.. than I told him that I was going out to eat with Mom and he got pissed. >=\ "We were supposed to eat dinner together" Yeah well what about the weekends? You don't give a shit about eating with me then. "I'm not going to pay you this week if you leave" "Who's going to feed Kailynn?" "I'm not eating because you are ruining it" Whateverrrrrrrr. He tries to control everything I do and it makes me mad.. like every time I try going somewhere without him he gives me a hard time about it. Can't believe he got so mad at me for just wanting to eat Chinese with my mother.. So I have a feeling he's probably going to ditch me this weekend to drink and leave Devin the brat with me again. Whatever.

So I left anyways just to prove that he can't and won't control me. Dad dropped us off there. Got our table and ate and talked about random stuff like the food on our plate, she had white strings things on her plate and I asked what it was.. she said rice noodles and it was good and offered me some but I didn't try it. Talked about how she tried to make egg drop soup and it ended up being a disaster.

Than I brought up the Aunts. Linda got out of the hospital yesterday, I guess they let her. My Aunt Pam is getting a cage screwed to her head on Monday for the surgery she's getting.. The cage is to make sure she doesn't move at all because I guess they are using some type of laser like thing to burn it up so that the tumor doesn't grow anymore.. guess it'll stay in there. I guess if they tried opening her brain up to get it out she would die so they are doing something similar to neurosurgery but different and called something else but I forgot the name of it. The cage sounds really scary because they will obviously numb her for when the screws first goes in but once it hits her skull it's going to hurt a lot... because you can't really numb bone.. and they can't knock her out completely because they need her to be awake to make sure they haven't hit anything important during the laser part.. so I'm guessing they'll probably have her sing the alphabet or wiggle some body parts or something to make sure she's okay, scary stuff. =\\\\ She said she heard someone getting it done also and they were screaming their heads off =| Not sure how true that is.. I guess they found the tumor because she lost all hearing in one of her ears. =\\

So that was our dinner conversation basically, I went home to a dark hallway and the door locked, luckily I figured he was going to be jerk and had my keys in my sweater so I didn't have to possibly look for them in my purse in the dark.. He was laying in bed and the bed didn't have the baseboards anymore so it was lower.. than I waited for K to fall asleep and I went to sleep.

Brain Troubles

sSeems like my aunts are all falling apart now. =[ My aunt Linda was in the hospital Sunday, not sure if she's still in there.. but she was in there because of something with her brain.. Not really sure what, I think a blood clot or something or just bleeding.. the same reason she was there last summer.. They had to fly her to another hospital but she didn't want to stay there so she left and my dad had to go find her.

Now my aunt Pam is getting brain surgery done next Monday because they found a tumor.. she added me on facebook Sunday night and around 4 pm monday she sent me a message to have my mom call her because it was important.. Not really sure what was said besides the tumor.. Not sure how my mom feels about it.. =| or if she's going to try being there for her.. I know they have been fighting and not really talking for a few years.

Me and mom were supposed to go out and have Chinese but I guess she forgot or didn't know that I wanted to do it today. So had frozen pizza instead that I totally mangled.. =| Half way through cooking I realized I accidentally was cooking the pizza on top of the cardboard that is usually under frozen pizza. It was smaller than the pizza so I didn't even see it. So I knew the crust wasn't going to be crispy so I tried getting the cardboard off and all the cheese slid to one side of the pizza. Than because the pizza wasn't frozen anymore or crispy it was so soft it was falling through the wires of the rack... so I tried getting it off the rack to put on a cooking sheet and it just kept breaking into like a million pieces.. roar, worst pizza ever... lol. I was kinda having a bad day.. I even forgot to turn off the stove after it was done cooking..

I fail at cooking.. I've burnt grill cheese... made really crappy french toast because I dipped the bread in egg too long so it was like an omelette. lol I know there's other things I've ruined. bleh.. well I think that's all that happened today. Adios.