Family Birth Months

Just in case I decide to get a tattoo based on this kind of information.

Kailynn: August

August Birth Flower
The August Birth Flower is the Gladiolus

Meaning of the August Birth Flower:
The meaning of the August Birth Flower, the Gladiolus is sincerity and symbolizes strength of character

Sign of the Zodiac and Dates:
Leo - July 23 - August 23

August Birthstone: The Peridot

Characteristics of Leo : Honest, Generous, Self-motivated, Warm-hearted & Enthusiastic

The Meaning of the August Birth Flower, the Gladiolus
The meaning of the August Birth Flower, the Gladiolus is sincerity and symbolizes strength of character.

The Hidden message of August Birth Flower, the Gladiolus
The hidden message of the Birth Flower, the Gladiolus, so favored during the Victorian era was "Love at first sight".

Colors of the Gladiolus

The colors of the August Birth Flower, the Gladiolus, include the following:

• Pink

• Red

• White

• Yellow

• Orange

Alex: September

September Birth Flower
The September Birth Flower is the Aster

Meaning of the September Birth Flower:
The meaning of the September Birth Flower, the Aster is Love, Faith, Wisdom and symbolizes Valor

Sign of the Zodiac and Dates:
Virgo - August 24 - September 22 (might have to change this if he comes later than September 22)

September Birthstone: The Sapphire

Characteristics of Virgo :
Orderly, Modest, Diligent, Analytical & Self-sufficient

The Meaning of the September Birth Flower, the Aster
The meaning of the September Birth Flower, the Aster is Love, Faith, Wisdom and symbolizes Valor.

The Hidden message of September Birth Flower, the Aster
The hidden message of the Birth Flower, the aster, so favored during the Victorian era was "Take care of yourself for me".

Colors of the Aster

The colors of the September Birth Flower, the Aster, include the following:

• Pink

• Red

• White

• Lilac

• Mauve

Me: December

December Birth Flower
The December Birth Flower is the Narcissus

Meaning of the December Birth Flower:
The meaning of the December Birth Flower, the Narcissus is respect, modesty and faithfulness

Sign of the Zodiac and Dates:
Sagittarius - November 22 - December 21

December Birthstone: The Turquoise

Characteristics of Sagittarius :
Ethical, Humorous, Generous, Dynamic & Compassionate

The Meaning of the December Birth Flower, the Narcissus
The meaning of the December Birth Flower, the Narcissus is respect, modesty and faithfulness.

The Hidden message of December Birth Flower, the Narcissus
The hidden message of the Birth Flower, the Narcissus, so favored during the Victorian era varied "You're the Only One".

Colors of the Narcissus

The colors of the December Birth Flower, the Narcissus, include the following:

• White

• Yellow

• Orange

Brad: March

March Birth Flower
The March Birth Flower is the Jonquil (aka Daffodil or Narcissus)

Meaning of the March Birth Flower: The meaning of the March Birth Flower, the Jonquil (aka Daffodil or Narcissus) is friendship and domestic happiness

Sign of the Zodiac and Dates:
Pisces - February 19 - March 20

March Birthstone: The Aquamarine

Characteristics of Pisces :
Romantic, Generous, Receptive, Honest & Affectionate

The Meaning of the March Birth Flower, the Jonquil (aka Daffodil or Narcissus)
The meaning of the March Birth Flower, the Jonquil (aka Daffodil or Narcissus) is friendship and domestic happiness.

The Hidden message of March Birth Flower, the Jonquil
The hidden message of the Birth Flower, the jonquil, so favored during the Victorian era was "You are an angel".

Colors of the Jonquil (aka Daffodil or Narcissus)

The colors of the March Birth Flower, the Jonquil (aka Daffodil or Narcissus), include the following:

• White

• Yellow

• Orange

Lovee

Sigh, this relationship is kinda confusingggggg. Grah. I love him so much sometimes. I don't think he means to hurt my feelings when it comes to not having sex.. I don't know. I just want that connection sometimesss and I get jealous of porn.

But he has been super nice to me the last couple days... and we just had a really long good conversation in the kitchen about a whole bunch of random crap. He told me that he doesn't feel very loved by me.. which confused me and kinda made me upset because it made me feel bad... I thought I made it clear that I loved him but I guess not. <3 He almost seemed to choke up a little when he told me that... so cute of him.

&& Yesterday he sent me a couple really cute messages. <3<3<3<3

"I love u so very very much just wanted to let u know i was thinkin bout u at 545 this morning :)" Tue, Sep 6 5:46 am

"If only you knew how much i love you!!!!! :):):):):):):):)!!!!<3"
Tue, Sep 6 8:05 am

That's exactly what they read... I counted all the smilies and exclamation marks.

Days like this make me feel like the luckiest girl to have him but like there's still things missing in the relationship and I think he finally realizes it too because in our conversation he was thinking of ways to improve our relationship... it was super nice..

Ughh I am like fighting back tears because I'm so happy that we talked.

Doctorsssss

Went to the doctors today. It's that time of pregnancy when you see the doctor once a week. But yess, there was a new nurse lady I never seen there. She was super pretty. Perfect blonde hair... I wanted to ask her so bad how her hair is so perfect, I hate mine. It's so frizzy and gross. Reminded me kinda of Nicole Bennett's. I've always thought her hair is perfect...

I also gained almost another three pounds. Yes, I gained 3 pounds in a week.. Ugh. I weighed 164.8 >=\\ This baby better be huge but not too huge so that I have a hard time pushing him out... and I better lose like ten pounds as soon as he pops out. Hopefully at least 7 pounds of him (K was like 7.2 pounds when she was born), a few pounds of water crap and placenta.

Doctor said I have gained more weight with this baby than I did for Kailynn. 32 pounds for K, and 35 pounds for him so far. Blehhhhhh. It's strange I don't think I look like I'm bigger than I was for Kailynn.

She also told me that she had two girls give birth this last weekend and they went really fast, also I guess one was a boy and one was a girl. She barely made it on time to help deliver.. =| I hope she isn't late for mine.

Humm, I didn't have her look to see if I've dilated anymore.. She gave me the option.. and I rather not have her shoving her hand inside me if it's not needed. It really hurt when she did it.. probably because I haven't had sex in forever. Last week she did it because she had to do a strep test on me. Last week I was only like a finger tip dilated. I probably should have had her check because I've been getting some intense cramps. I really think if I went for a walk the baby would pop out really soon.. even though I kinda want to do that, I also don't because my road test is the 12th and who knows if I'll be out of hospital by then. =\\\

Same Old Thing

I was going to post this on notemine but since I wiped clean my laptop because it wouldn't work I don't have the document for all the color blocks I need. It's in my hard drive but I don't feel like going to get it.

I guess I will write more than just being depressed since I have more room.

I swear I probably wrote something similar to this like 3 other times.. =[[ I'm so lame.

I am kinda depressed. =[[ As usual. I really shouldn't have anymore kids. I get so depressed because I'm huge and Brad barely gives me any sexual attention. We haven't had sex for a few months now and I deffinitely don't expect any, any time soon because Brad is too afraid it's going to induce labor and he rather the baby be late than early. Plus you are not allowed to have sex, exercise, or use tampons for 6 weeks after you have a baby. You bleed a whole lot anyways so sex would be kinda disgusting but I am still craving sexual attention... He didn't even give me a kiss just now before he left to take Devin home.. which he usually does. =[[ That's like barely even sexual but at least I get a little something.

My body image definitely depresses me and just makes me want to become anorexic because I am pretty sure that is why Brad won't have sex with me.. and rather use porn. I hate that porn is getting way more attention than me. ='''[[ He watches it multiple times of the day so I know he craves sex too.. just not with me.

I almost hate myself because I blame myself for the way I appear. I don't feel the least bit pretty and I don't think I will feel pretty until I'm at least 120... currently I weight 162... =[[ It's the highest I've ever been and I don't see myself loosing that weight until the weather is back to being nice so that's even more depressing because I can't get rid of the weight as fast as I would like too... I wish I lived down south so I could go out running all year long... and not have to worry about the stupid snow.

I really do hate myself, I can't stop thinking about all the things I hate about myself. I have no confidence what so ever. I cry wayyyyyyy to much. I hate how easy it is for me to cry now and it's not only because of my pregnancy.

Like yesterday. I don't know why I ask stupid questions. We were watching Chuck & Larry the movie... Larry has a son that can do splits. I was sitting next to Brad indian style like and Brad started pushing my leg down to see how far I can go and he then told me that he told me how he would like it if I could do a split. Than the conversation turned into talking about flexibility. So stupid me asked if he had ever had sex with someone that was really flexible. Of course it just had to be Janelle and of course he had to go into more detail than I wanted. So I got upset.. Janelle just seems to be like his little sex goddess. Really flexible, likes to talk dirty and she and him had a threesome together..

She seems almost nothing like me and that makes me upset because I know he'd prefer that and if I wanted to satisfy him I'd have to change myself like hugely. I just want to be myself and be comfortable. =[[[ I definitely don't come close to any of the girls he watches in pornos.

I don't know what to do with myself.. I hate that I want to change myself just to satisfy him.. but it's the only way that I am going to be happy.. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!

I think losing weight will help a lot with my depression.. I don't know. At least maybe I can attract other guys and won't feel so worthless.

Stressssssss x's a million.

Stressing about not being ready for baby and Brad is being an ass. =| Roar, I'm tired of it. If he had it his way we would only have one onesie for him.. that's the only item of clothing he's bought and he thinks that's perfectly fine. Luckily I was able to scrape some money to buy him a few things. =\\ Besides the onesie, he bought a car seat/stroller combo, a box of diapers, and a mattress.. That's it. We still have no blankets for him, no bed set, no mobile, no toys, no sheets, or a bed. We have a bassinet that we can use for a couple months.. We have bottles, a walker and a swing that he could use that we used for Kailynn but that's like it.. a handful of clothes and a couple things to use when he gets a bit older.

Recycle

I feel like a dork because I like to recycle. Plastics this week! <> I don't have the yellow bins they provided awhile ago but a few times I have taken a garbage full of recyclables to the curb and they took it. (I leave the bag open and away from the regular trash so it's obvious) I got kinda excited finding out I can recycle the diaper wipe tubs that I have a bunch of. Makes me feel better knowing I'm making some kind of difference. Recycling plastics just seem to me like I'm making a bigger difference than say recycling paper..

Who You Are

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New Road Test

Did the five hour today and yesterday.. it was a lot better than the first time. =| That guy was a total jackass while this guy seemed really sweet and nice and he definitely didn't try to make us feel stupid. All he did was talk and he'd ask a few questions but people that had their hands up would answer.

But yes, I have another road test set for September 12 at 10 am. =| Which is really close to my due date on September 19th..