Mom's Birthday

I'm hoping by making my mom's birthday the subject, I will be able to find this post easily again next year so if I wonder when her birthday is (because I always forget) I can find it. She turned 40 this year.
Now I need to figure out when my dad's birthday is... I know it's in May and is close to mothers day.. but that's about it, and I believe he's only a couple years older than mom. I really need to write this crap down or find a way to remember. =|

Mom's Birthday: April 5th
Dad's Birthday: May ?
Alyssa's Birthday: October 17th
Alaynie's Birthday: October 18th
Acayla's Birthday: ????
Aiden's Birthday: August 15th
Kailynn's Birthday: August 18th
Brad's Birthday: March 26th
Devin's Birthday: March 12th
Jen's Birthday: January 16
Cj's Birthday: September 11th
Ashley's Birthday: December 14th
My Birthday: December 12th

Oh yeah and I hope my dad get's his van fixed by the 19th. I have a doctors appointment at 3 and because Brad has been getting lots of overtime he doesn't want to sacrifice some of it to take me to my appointment. =[[ He hasn't gone to any of this baby's appointments because he's afraid Kailynn will be a pain in the butt. Boo, anyways my dad's van has been getting fixed for like a month at some garage to fix everything that needs to be fixed. So it should be done by then.. I hope. I don't want to have to walk, if I knew it was going to be nice than sure I could probably walk but it'll probably rain and that will piss me off having to walk to drs appointment and be all wet by the time I get there and I'll probably have to lug Kailynn there with me. If my dad get's his van he can probably take me there. If he still has to use his truck there wouldn't be enough room for me, Kailynn and the kids after he's picked them up from school. If he gets van he could also keep Kailynn with him while I'm getting checked. Sigh whatever, I wish Brad was nicer to me. Yay for us having a vehicle but Ashlynn doesn't ever get rides to her doctors appointments when Brad gets overtime.. >=\

This is my third time editing <> want to added something else even though it probably doesn't interest anyone who might read this besides me. We didn't have chili today =[ we had the taco stuff instead. I looked in our cabinet for chili seasoning and didn't find any. Brad picked some up on his way home from work. Chili tomorrow! Also as I type this I am munching on a huge rice crispy treat I made yesterday. Yum, yay for blaming baby on my fatness. It's definitely not because I have a huge bag of sour patch kids and a big batch of rice crispy treats... ;]

Cleaning up the Weekend Mess

This morning it was lightning and thundering, one loud one woke me up, made me jump a little and my heart race. I was surprised it didn't wake up Kailynn.

Did a bunch of cleaning, like every Monday I clean for like 6 hours.. especially after Devin has been here for the weekend... for some reason when he's here or not here this place looks like a tornado has run through it. Every weekend, It's terrible. Takes me forever to clean. So now this place is looking alright although the living room could use a vacuum, which I'll do tomorrow. Yay.

Had meatball subs for dinner today, wrote a list for the week... chili tomorrow. Taco hamburger helper kinda stuff Wednesday. Brad gets paid Thursday so probably pizza. Friday hungry man dinners. Bleh.

Brat

We just took Devin home to Brad's step dads, we stayed there for a little bit to chat and Brad noticed that Kailynn's name had something on it. (They have this quilted like family tree hanging on the wall in their dining room) Brad's step dad said that Devin was mad and scribbled her name off it with a pencil. >=o What a freaken brat. Can I just strangle him, please?

I Don't Enjoy Being a Step Mom

I know I don't like Devin. He's too much of a brat. I really really don't like him and I really don't care if he likes me anymore. =] I already told Brad I don't like him.

He's too mean to Kailynn and he treats me like crap. I really tried to like him but it's really hard to be a new step mom to a 6 year old (he's 8 now) who thinks he already knows everything. If he was younger I think it'd be easier for me to become more of a mommy figure but the people he loves were already in his life before I came along so he doesn't need me. I really really hope we don't ever get full custody of him. He already walks all over me pretty much.

He'll ask a question.. like earlier he asked if it's April Fools and me and Brad said no like at the same time but just because I said no he had to ask again but instead added Dad to the question. Dad, is it April Fools? Like way to just ignore my answer just because I said no too... and I blame it mostly on Brad. I don't ever get to make decisions because Brad is more worried about making Devin like him than anything else. Like last night you can tell Devin was lying through his teeth with everything he was saying. He was outside and he came in and we were wondering what he was doing and if anyone was outside for him to play with and he just kept changing his story so I knew he was just lying and I thought that he should just stay in for the rest of the night because it was already getting dark anyways. So I said no, he can stay inside and eat dinner but Brad pretty much ignored me and let him go back out. Pisses me off, I swear next time that happens and I know it will because it already has happened a few times I will make sure he doesn't go outside, I will fucking block the door so he can't go out so that maybe he will freaken take me serious.

Annoyed At Everything.

I don't know what else to do.. I'm tired of asking, I'm tired of being lonely, invisible, I'm tired of being disrespected. I'm tired of my life. It's lame how little simple things can make me happy and make me feel okay about my lame life and really I should just be really depressed all the time cause nothing in my life is really that great or worth living for. The only reason worth living is for the baby inside me and Kailynn. They are the only people that need me. No one else cares to spend time with me so why not just be dead. I'm already dead to the world being cooped up in this tiny apartment 24/7. No one would miss me, no one invites me anywhere.

I just want to live and experience new things but I feel so alone. I feel like I am the only one that is this lonely. I need attention from more than two people. The only attention I get is from either Kailynn or Jen. Makes me feel pathetic.

I really don't know why I am so depressed today, I'm sorry.

Hostess Cupcake Cake Balls

So I was just stumbling on stumbleupon and I found Melissa Mack's blog SugarDerby, I looked through her baking section and found Hostess Cupcake Cake Balls. Omgosh they look delicious so I just had to write about it here so that when I ever get the time to make them I can quickly find the recipe instead of thumbs upping it and looking for it mixed in with my 3000 favorites I already have on the site. =] I can't wait to make them, just looking at them makes my mouth water.

Another Boring Day

Hmm, not sure what I should write about today...
We got Devin for the weekend, we usually get him every other weekend unless it's the weekend of either mine or Brad's birthday, then we'll get him two weekends in a row before the birthday weekend.

He lives with Brad's stepdad because Brad's real mom took custody of Devin when he was like 3 months old. Janelle (Devin's mom) had post partum depression at the time and Brad was in jail so neither of them could really take good care of him. Jenelle passed away when Devin was 3 in a car accident coming home from work. I'm not really sure what happened though I know I have asked a few times about it and I don't want to ask again. I just know that she was a back passenger and the car swerved and hit another vehicle and it hit her side, she was the only one that died. I'm pretty sure she was pronounced dead at the scene.

Brad's mom passed away almost 2 years ago because of stomach cancer. She had the cancer for awhile because she had the pain for awhile but doctors kept misdiagnosing her. When they finally found it they gave her 6 months to live if she did chemotherapy but chemotherapy ended up just making it worse and she died in 3 months. 3 months before Kailynn was born so that was really upsetting for me because I know she was excited to have a girl grandchild because she had two boys herself. While she was alive she made a bunch of quilts for Kailynn and I got them at my baby shower after she had already passed away... <3 That was definitely emotional for me, I almost cried but everyone was watching me open the presents and a lot of my friends didn't know who made them and that she passed away. =\\

Anyways reason I brought up Devin is because Brad got him today but he must of been at the farm that Brad's step dad's new girlfriend owns. Brad sent me a picture of the baby goat they have. They just recently had a baby goat and a baby cow born there which I think is kinda neat and I wanna see. I was kinda thinking about maybe asking them if I could adopt a little goat or something small but cute and should be pretty easy to take care of and keep it there but obviously I'd have to work and help pay for the food. It'd be neat and different and make life a little bit more interesting for me. I've always loved animals and I'd love to help out on their farm once I get a car. Brad's not really happy that Devin is turning into a little farm boy because Brad is kinda on the gangster side, wears south pole and 99% of the music he listens to is rap. He probably wouldn't really like me turning into a little farm girl either but whatever that's kinda my dream me.

Just Thinking

I was just laying on the couch in complete darkness just now for a little bit waiting for Kailynn to fall asleep with her daddy, this is actually a normal routine of mine.

Our bed is in our living room because we have a really tiny apartment and once Kailynn was born she pretty much took control of our bedroom. This apartment only has one bedroom. First she kicked Brad out (because he works early in the morning and the alarm clock would wake her up.. he slept on the couch) He quickly got tired of that and decided to move the bed out into the living room so that we could sleep together and he could sleep in a bed again (our bed was noisy anyways so that kinda helped more with keeping her asleep during the night) We haven't moved yet because rent is extremely cheap and it's helping us get other things that we need.

Plus my parents also were thinking about buying the house next door, fixing it and letting us live there.. until my dad tore up his knee at work and now limps whenever he needs to walk, he almost has no cartilage in that knee because he's had so many surgeries on it since his motorcycle accident back when he was a teenager. Because his job requires lots of lifting and transporting things from one place to another he doesn't think he'll last much longer there, they have him doing light duty now because his doctor keeps giving him time to heal but it's obvious it's not going to be normal again. So now he and my mom are planning to move over there if they can get it because he's always wanted a one family house and this may be his last chance. So we are planning on finding a another place and moving sometime in August, before the new baby is born.

Today summed up:
Cleaned till Brad got of work at 6:30 pm.
Went to walmart got more pictures developed.. I believe 78 pictures total.. $11
Looked at jewelry and ended up buying some rings and earrings. $10
Went to arbys drive thru for Kailynn and Brad's dinner.
Went to Chinese restaurant place and got myself some takeout. I always feel kinda strange going in there to get take out because they always want to sit you at a table.. This older guy that was waiting for his friend to stop hitting on the Chinese waitress kept staring at me also. Bleh. OMG but the food was yum.. been craving it for so freaken long. $8.01
Ate dinner, watched a little bit of American Idol and then watched a movie called The Next 3 Days. Good movie.
Now I'm here talking to Jen on lame Facebook chat and updating my journal..
Thinking about watching a couple shaytards.. so later alligators!