Weddingness

Ohhh summer, how I love thee. I barely spend anytime on the computer anymore because of the weather being nice.

Any time I do spend on the computer I usually spend on this new site I found.. called Pinterest. I love it because you can organize like anything online that you like into what they called boards.. Right now it's invite only, probably because it's new.. luckily the way I found it was through a random blog I found and the post was recent so I got to comment on it and ask for an invite. =]] But anywaysss, I like to browse through other people's boards and some people post wedding things. Which has been making me thinking a lot about how I want to have my wedding. I'm kinda thinking I might want to have the ceremony kinda thing outside behind Brad's stepdad's house, I don't know. I'm pretty sure I want my bridemaids to be wearing dark gray (I don't think I want the dresses to be as dark as the dress in the picture), all the guys wear black including Devin and Alex, Me and Kailynn are the only ones allowed to wear white. The bouquets will be made up of Anemones, like the picture hasss. Yes, it'll be cute.

Well that's about it, I am tired..

I am Still Sick

Blehh, go away coughhhhhh. It gets worse when I try to sleep for some reason, I try to not cough so I don't disturb Brad or wake Kailynn but then my eyes water.

I've been going outside with Kailynn a lot lately since the weather has been nice. She's becoming more and more easier to control outside.. I'm pretty sure she knows not to go in the road now.. yesterday she didn't try to go out in the road.. she was actually really good outside yesterday... she didn't stray away from my parents yard that often. I loved it.

Oh and my mother showed her how to pick flowers.. they were buttercups. So cute, she was amazed and she kept shoving them up mine and mom's nose so we'd smell them. lol. I kept one that she gave me.. my very first flower from Kailynn <3

She's also getting really smart. It amazes me sometimes.. she'll pick up random words really fast.. like when I brought her outside and we went out front and walked past my car she said "carrrrr!" without me even saying anything. Than she found these wooden white duck yard decorations and I told her they were ducks and she said ducks like a million times. It was cute. She also tries to say butterfly when she notices the light butterflys my mom has out.

Yesterday I practiced parallels in front of my house, using my dad's truck as the front vehicle. I'm almost confident with those.. I really think if I was to get any points deducted on my test it would be because of my parallel, if even that.. like I said I think I'm pretty good. I just hope they don't try to make me do it in a real cramped spot. I'm pretty sure I know everything else I am supposed to do.. so the road test people better be nice and let me take it and pass me. Alyssa practiced with my dad's van.. She didn't think she could do it with my "boat" even though the van is obviously larger than my car. She just feels more comfortable with the van because my dad lets her drive it sometimes.. She really wanted to do it with her car but my dad didn't feel like charging it up or something.

My parents did more work to the house next door.. they rototilled the front garden like area and stained the wood on the porch/deck. They also just found out that the bathroom has been invaded by carpenter ants, they knew something was in there because they could hear movement, they thought it might be mice or something but my dad cut a whole in the ceiling and a bunch of ants fell out. So they are now trying to figure out to kill the queen ant wherever she is because I guess you can't get rid of them unless you kill her. If you just try to kill the ants you see she'll just pop out even more baby ants to replace them..

Ouchhh

I'm beginning to think Alex doesn't really like me already. xD Ughh he keeps doing something on the right side of my tummy and it really hurtss. I can't even explain how it feels, it's just a kinda irritating pain. I keep poking him back hoping he'll stop doing whatever.. I guess it kinda feels like he is gnawing on the umbilical cord or something... lol.. or pulling on it like hes playing tug of war. >=\ I don't know.

Can't Stop Coughing

I've been kinda sick for the last few days.. my voice sounds funky and I cough a lot. Blehh.

I haven't really had anything interesting to say about my life lately because I haven't really done anything really interestingg. Humm.

This week went by really fast. I want to say a couple things that happened last weekend but I feel kinda dumb bringing it up like a week later. I will anyways because it was really fun and I'm thinking about posting picturess.

Well last weekend was memorial weekend, we went out to Cherry Creek to visit Brad's somewhat brother Brian.. (Brad's dad dated his mom) Oh and yay they (Brian and Cherilyn) are getting married next monthhhhhh and we are invited! =] I'm excited, I haven't been to a wedding since my parents. Back then I didn't really know what was going on but now I get to have an idea of what I am supposed to do for my own wedding.. like I really have no idea besides walking down the lane with my dad to Brad and repeat vows the dude says. Brad is kinda upset because Brian didn't ask him to be his best man and Brad's thinking about having him be his best man in our wedding. Anyways they weren't there.. and we waited for like an hour hoping they would come home but they didn't so we went back to Brad's step dad's place. (We dropped Devin off there because someone wanted to see him but they didn't even show up) We ended up staying there until it started storming.. we just had a fire started and it began to rain.

At like 4pm Brad's step dad's girlfriend invited me to go to visit her farm because she wanted to plant her tomatoes. We arrived at her place and she let me put her daughters rubber boots on because I was wearing my flip flops and her barn was really wet and pooey. She did like a little tour of her farm before we planted. I got to see all her animals... the only one I got to pet was a little goat named Marvin, he was extra friendly probably because he's a baby and Devin has been bottle feeding him. All their goats had horn issues, they tried to burn them off or something but they keep trying to grow back. The female cows and goats like surrounded us once we stopped moving because they thought they were going to get some treats or something, instead we just picked some of the grass off the ground and fed them. that was kinda neat. I kinda touched the head of one of the cows before it bolted away. It was the first time I was so close to cows with no beerier between me and the animal. I made sure I didn't get too close to them from the behind because I didn't want to get kicked or anything. All the animals pretty much free roam the farm (except in the fall season because I guess deer come out on the farm and the cows can get a disease), but they usually can go inside the barn whenever they want or go outside, the chickens and cats were allowed to go anywhere, the cows and goats obviously had a fence to keep them in one area. The mature male cows (there were three, a bull, and two others they plan on eating =[[ I can't remember the name for the bull but the other two were named DinDin and Quarter Pounder) were on the other side of the farm to keep them away from the baby cows and all the mature females.. the bull kept mooing because he wanted to pregnate the females again but they had just given birth so they need some time to recuperate. I really like her farm but I don't think I could ever do something like that myself. Just way too dirty.

We found like 5 eggs the chickens layed, since they free roam they pretty much lay them wherever there's a pile of hay. Some were in a wheel barrow and the others were in a corner of a stable. Her Rooster is freaken huge and he followed us around. I'm wondering if any of the things she planted are going to grow because after we got done some of her chickens like dug around them looking for worms to eat.

So yes, I took pictures of the animals and I'll probably post them up.

Notemine 2007

- I wish you wouldn't talk to him so much. January 2
- I hate feeling left out, and not knowing what is going on. January 2
- Sometimes I wish I could move to somewhere completely new so I can re-invent myself. January 3
- I can't wait to get my computer fixed. January 4
- I like reading. It gives you the freedom to imagine. January 5
- My computer, it's alive again. Yay =] January 5
- Happy 6th Birthday Acayla! Your hugs, kisses, giggles and smiles make my day little one. <3 January 5
- 'Jenny, love me. I am lonely...' 'Ily2, Bird.' =| What' going on? Sigh January 6
- Madly in love. January 6
- I wish I knew what was going on in your head. Or even in mine. January 6
- Be kind to my heart & I'll love you forever. January 6
- You're all I ever wanted. January 6
- So far away for far too long. January 6
- Staying up alone, waiting.. Just so I can possibly talk to my lover. ='] January 7
- I didn't want to leave him, but I knew I'd have to get up early today. January 7
- I don't want to let you down. January 7
- I can't wait till Ally comes for Prom. xD -Squeal!!- January 7
- Yay, Going to the weight room today. I'm excited to exercise. January 8
- I can't stop thinking about him. January 8
- My legs are sore, but it'sworth it in the long run. January 8
- Jenny doesn't think you'll come. Prove her wrong.. Please? January 8
- Darn, I was hoping we'd get a snow day. I really don't feel like going to school. I hope Ally has been going. January 9
- Firefox 2 annoys me. January 9
- Every time I think about you I think about 'it'. January 9
- I hate being so disorganized. January 9
- Yay, 2 more hours to sleep. January 10
- I really need a hair cut, & a magazine. January 10
- I like my mid-back lengthed hair. =| January 10
- Jen is my hero. January 10
- I had a dream that I won a new computer. How lame is that. January 11
- I was looking forward to your singing. =[ January 11
- I love doing math. January 11
- Life is so unfair. January 11
- I'm hating everything right about now. January 12
- I'm going to miss Mr. McKenna. January 12
-'You cried when your mother gave you a trim..' I hope I don't cry. January 12
- I found an old thought I had written on a peice of paper. It made me cry, I just hope it never happens again. January 13
- Falling in love with someone in your dreams, someone you know you can't have, sucks. January 13
- I've never been so frustrated. Actually that is a lie. I've cried once. January 13
- I keep having zombie nightmares.. Maybe they will save me one day. January 14
- No.. << Jen ruins everything. January 14
- I'm in love with my hair. January 14
- For those five minutes, while I was laying there, all I could think about was you. January 14
- The smell of this hair gel is addictive. I can't stop sniffing it. January 14
- So that was the most amazingest video ever, with our non heads & bed humping. January 15
- We saved Jen's fish from the murky water. January 15
- I enjoy eating Jen's chips. & listening to her crunch on them. January 15

to be continued..

BT is backkk.

So I am probably going to annoy anyone who might read this because I am going to post all my thoughts on here because I don't trust the site anymore. This is probably going to take me forever.. hum. Oh well.


- I love him so much, I hope he's not cheating on me. ='[ <3 June 3rd 2006
- I miss him greatly. <3 June 3rd 2006
- Suicide, Sometimes.. I wish I could commit. June 3rd 2006
- Nevada <3 June 5th 2006
- I love my Jarhead. June 7th 2006
- I had a dream.. He was cheating on me. It was sad. I cried. It seemed so real. =[ June 11 2006
- <> I almost got arrested yesterday. June 14th 2006
- Aha, Last night was fun. June 15th 2006
- I cant wait to get this over with. Ughhh! =|
- I just want to kill myself right now. I hate this thing called life. A life that doesn't deserve to live. *crying* ='[ I hate my mom. June 15th 2006
- xD He still loves me. <3 June 21st 2006
- He gave me a flower. ='] July 8th 2006
- I hate being depressed. I dont want to cry anymore.. August 26th 2006
- I hope I don't have it. August 28th 2006
- Should I tell my love? August 29th 2006
- Playing Cards on Gaia with my lover. ='] He's so lovely. <3 Opuk <3 August 29th 2006
- Me and Ally actually talked to eachother on phone at Jens house, on Saturday.. For like 3 hours. It was lovely. September 11, 2006 Se
- <3 I hope he's not mad, cause his mom is making him pay the phone bill. Roar at long distance.. =[ September 11, 2006 S
- Alone & Cold =| September 12, 2006 S
- Im afraid of losing him. I love him so much. September 12, 2006
- I miss him. We haven't talked since Saturday =[ 4 days.. September 13th 2006
- WE GOT CABLE!! It's been so long. x'D September 13, 2006
- As soon as I got home I just felt like crying & did.. Lately I've been holding in my tears. Just trying to ignore my feelings and pretend I'm happy.. September 14, 2006
- I dont want to pretend anymore. September 16, 2006
- 9/22/06 Bonfire - 9/23/06 Homecoming Jen doesn't want to go =[ Wish Ally could. September 16, 2006
- I hate being sick. ROAR!! Where is Jen? September 16, 2006
- Roar at Cj. She better not of. I dont even know the dude... or know how to dance with someone.. I feel so lame. September 16, 2006
- No one ever thinks about their pets Oo I love my pets <3 Racy Sylvester Evil & Liberty September 17, 2006
- I still cant beleive I'm a Senior. School goes by way to fast. '07 September 17, 2006
- Where is everyone? ='[ I'm so bored. -sit&wait- & I miss my lover.. sighhhh September 17, 2006
- I dont want to go to school. =| September 18, 2006
- Aw I love my Homecoming dress. <3 It's red. And my mom keeps singing the 'Lady in red' song -.- September 18, 2006
- Where are you? Did you move in with her? Do you like her? These questions are gradually killing me.. Please come back to me. ='[ September 18, 2006
- I can't deal with life .........right now......... ...........Going............ to sleep September 19, 2006
-Homecoming will be interesting... I'm still roaring at CJ. ROAR!@#P% -.- September 20, 2006
- Americas Next Top Model. I'm addicted to this show <3 September 20, 2006
- Dont judge a book by its cover. The cover may be better then the actual story. September 21, 2006
- I dont want to go to the homecoming any more. I dont think anyone is going =[ September 21, 2006
- I love how my thoughts are randomly colored. September 21, 2006
- Today was lots of fun hanging with Ashley. Everyone was leaving once we got at the bonfire, they had just put it out early. -.- September 23, 2006
- It felt odd having Ashley drive me home. I have never ridden in a car with someone my age driving until today. I cant wait to get my license. <3 September 23, 2006
- 80 more days till my 18th birthday. <3 Woo! September 23, 2006
- I cried in every slow song. =[ September 24, 2006
- <|3 I feel so alone. September 25, 2006
- I think about committing suicide everyday. September 26, 2006
-Yup, I do beleive he likes her. <|3 Isn't that just lovely.. ='[ September 27, 2006
- All this college shit is overwhelming me. So many things to do in so little time and still I'm not 100% sure of what I want to do with my life. Roarr!@#$ September 28, 2006
- Today some random dude at school asked me if I was single.. xD September 29, 2006
- RANDOM THOUGHT: If I have children my goal is to be the best mommy/wife ever. September 30, 2006
- I dont want winter to come. I hate the snow and coldness it brings. I want to move south. With Ally of course.. September 30, 2006
- Winter coats annoy me. Especially when shopping. October 1 2006
- I dont feel worthy of his love. I'm so lame. I've never actually had a boyfriend & dont really know what the heck I'm doing or what I should be doing. =[ October 1 2006
- Aw he sent me a lovely song. -listen to it 598 times- x'D Yup, I'm in love. October 1 2006
- I'm so glad we talked last night. October 1 2006
- I dont think Ally knows I'm basically flat chested. October 1 2006
- Wo, How is it 11 already? Oo Where is Ally? =[ I need him. & I need to sleep. October 1 2006
- I hate my gym class. I dont talk to anyone there. I played basketball all by myself. At one point I twisted my foot trying to get the ball and now it really hurts. =[ October 2 2006
- I'm Running Out Of Thoughts.. & Colors. October 3 2006
- I Love Rain <3 October 4 2006
- Yeah so I think my house is haunted.. =[ Something just touched my hip twice and nothing was there...HELP? October 4 2006
- Why are my hands always cold? =[ October 5 2006
- What time is it Mr. Fox? October 6 2006
- Lets romp. October 6 2006
- I'm addicted to drinking water <3 October 7 2006
- I really beleive that I will fail in all my dreams. My dreams are the only things that are keeping me alive. October 7 2006
- I <3 The Lion King October 7 2006
- I wonder if anyone ever reads my thoughts. Or are lame as me and read their own thoughts a million times. xD October 7 2006
- Today my dad sold his '72 Chevy Chevelle for $1800. I feel bad for him. He had it since I was born and the only thing he has left to remember his friend. October 8, 2006
- My dad is the best dad on this planet. October 8, 2006
- I should listen to this type of high energy music more often. It's fun. I want to spend night at Jennys but Matt is being mean. But it'sK!! <3 I will live. I promise. October 8, 2006
- Really missing Ally right now. ='[ I wonder if he ever thinks about me.. October 9, 2006
- I wonder if he loves me as much as he says.. Or if it's just a big lie/joke. October 9, 2006
- He's probably getting drunk and sexing 209385 girls. =| Long distance love sucks. October 9, 2006
- I feel bad for taking my dads money. But he keeps offering me it in exchange for cleaning. =| October 9, 2006
- Telling myself not to cry isn't easy. I'm trying to stay positive. October 9, 2006
- Aw, My dad cried watching the movie Click <3 October 14, 2006
- I'm too emotional. October 14, 2006
- Chillen with Jen. Listening to AFI. Glorious.. <3 October 15 2006
- No Raviolios ='[ October 15, 2006
- I love shopping. October 15 2006
- About to scream. October 15 2006
- Green is my favorite color. October 15 2006
- I can't find my glasses. School will be interesting... Ughh October 16 2006
- I know that if I ever get married I'd stay 100% faithful and I'd fight to keep us together till the very end. October 16 2006
- Sometimes when you get upset or angry it seems like your taking it out on me. It's really unfair. October 16 2006
- I want my very own happily ever after ending. October 17, 2006
- I wonder why he doesn't come on anymore to talk to me. I wonder if he forgot all about me. ='[ October 17, 2006
- 1.. You make my dreams come true.. 2.. I just want to be with you.. 3.. It is plain to see that your the only one for me. October 17, 2006
- 10/17/06 Alyssa' 15th Birthday 10/18/06 Alaynies 9th Birthday Alaynie nearly made herself blind yesterday. Happy B-day October 18, 2006
- I will never eat a banana in public ever again. October 18, 2006
- I wish I knew what you were doing. Or even what your intentions are. October 18, 2006
- I dont want to be shy anymore. October 18, 2006
- I dont want to go ice skating today. October 19, 2006
- Haha, I said Atlantic Sea. xD Woops October 19, 2006
- Weee for downloading Firefox <3 I'm having too much fun making the box lines bigger scrolling on top of them x'D October 19, 2006
- Oh yes I'm pretty freaken great. PC was seriously dead and I think I fixed it. ='] I am brilliant if I do say so myself. Though I have no idea what I did. October 20, 2006
- I want a ring. October 21
- I'm scared of turning off my computer. October 21
- I need you here. October 21
- I dont know what to think anymore. October 21
- The glass is half empty, I need more water. October 21
- My bed is calling for me. October 22
- For once Ally was on today and my dad had to ruin it by coming in here. Sup privacy. Roarr. =[ October 22
- Please come back. October 22
- I think that if I wasn't a virgin, I'd be a sex addict. October 23
- Its not fun hanging out with people who are in a bad mood when your actually for once in a good mood. October 23
- Well that definitely made my day <3 October 24
- I wish I was as pretty as Ashley. October 24
- My knight in shining armour is about 2,400 miles away. October 24
- So tired.. About to fall over and sleep. October 25
-Went ice skating today.. & I didn't fall on my ass ='] October 25
- I hope Jenny isn't angry at me for leaving yesterday to sleep. I was tired and grouchy because of gym. October 26
- I wish I had 20/20 vision. October 26
- We do some weird things. I love it. <3 BBFAE October 26
- I felt special when he came to our table to talk to me and me only. They didn't expect that. October 26
- Sigh at things. ='[[[ At least I finished goal of 4k. October 26
- Well that was a strange dream.. October 27
- $26/500 For a new computer. This is going to take awhile. October 28
- Graduation Tassel: For such a small thing it symbolizes so many things. With so much meaning & memories behind it. For endings & new beginnings. October 28
- I tend to think before I speak, I think that is why I dont talk much. I dont want to say something stupid and have people mad at me. October 28
- 'Love is like war: easy to begin, hard to end.' October 29
- We were some hot ass toilet-paper fashion queens. <3 October 29
- Oh yes. Up so late and totally falling asleep in class tommorrow. Weee & about to shower with Jen. <3 October 30
- I dont know what to freaken wear. October 30
- 42 more days until my 18th Birthday. October 30
- My butterfly hairclip broke ='[ October 31
- I can't wait to have my own kids and take them out to go trick or treating.. November 1
- Next time my mom harms me or my younger siblings, I'll get her off them & run & if she has the cops come looking for me I'll tell them everything. ='[ November 1
- I need some chocolate to satisfy my hunger for love. November 2
- This whole gang war thing going on at school is kinda scary.. I wish they'd stop. November 2
- Anyone want a brownie? November 2
- I'm getting to the point that I just dont care anymore. About anything. November 4
- I hate people who abuse animals. What gives us humans the right to be so heartless & cruel to defenseless animals?? November 5
- She's too happy & hyperactive. I find her a bit annoying. November 6
- I feel like giving up. Some dreams just aren't meant to come true. November 8
- 'You're in my head morning, noon and night.' ='] Those words will be playing over & over in my head. November 8
- I love him, I truely do. I think he may be one of the few best things that has come into my life. I can't lose him. November 8
- Today has pretty much drained me from energy. And taking a nice warm shower just makes me want to sleep even more. November 9
- I wish I knew why he wanted my number. Or if he even knew my name. November 10
- I think I might start a color scheme. Should I? November 10
- It annoys me when people treat me like alittle child. Who don't take me seriously and just walk all over me. November 10
-O0o Why are bubbles round? Ooo November 11
- Boxed thought #100,008 =] November 11
- I want to tell him. But I'm afraid of his reaction. November 11
- Zombies are the scariest things ever. Being eaten alive by dead people.. creepy. =| November 11
- Saved up $68 dollars so far for my computer and I can't keep it. Stupid holidays. November 12
- My brother is playing with my lotions and light up heels. November 12
- I should really stop wasting time on the computer. I need to actually do something with my life. November 13
- One of my worst fears is getting fat. I have nothing against fat people I just dont want myself getting overweight. November 13
- He hates emos. I just hope he wont hate me when he finds out I'm semi-emo. November 14
- I'm so confused and scared. November 14
- I can't wait to move out. November 14
- With whatever I do I disappoint her or get her pissed. I can never make her happy or proud of me. Around her I feel like a dumbass. November 14
- My fingers smell like oranges. Mmm November 15
- I'm seeing another side of him. And I dont like it. November 15
- I wish I wasn't so clueless to what' going on. Is there something I should know? November 15
- Barely holding on. November 16
- I'm disappointed in myself. November 16
- I'm home alone? Weird.. November 16
- I was actually socializing with people today.. I felt alive. November 16
- Sometimes I wish I had done more things during my freshman, sophmore, & junior years. November 17
- I like the smell of gasoline, burning paper, and wet paint. Am I weird? November 17
- Slowly we are drifting a p a r t. November 18
- This weekend will be one of the best. November 18
- As always, I'm running late. ROAR!@#&(%P@! November 18
- I can't think, I'm coloring carebears. November 19
- Jen is the greatest friend anyone could ever have <3 November 19
- Sometimes I wonder if he can read my mind. November 20
- I'm proud to be in the school I attend, the city I was born in, and the country I belong to. Even if they have their defaults. November 21
- Senior Skip Day & I'm at school.. November 21
- I'm dirt poor. November 22
- TOP SECRET: Shshsh!! I want to take part in some rough sex, like right now. Roar. November 23
- ='[ My parents think my little brother has Cancer. He has 2 hard, strange bumps on his neck.. There going to take him to the hospital to get checked after dinner. November 24
- I never have money for Black Friday shopping. November 24
- My kitty snores. November 25
- I hate how my mom is so racist and judgemental. November 25
- Humans should be more like Penguins. November 25
- About to pee myself because my family are a bunch of assholes and locked me in the basement... November 26
- 18th Birthday Count Down: 15 days, 9 hours, 56 minutes, & 30 seconds. November 26
- There' no better place to sleep then in your own bed. November 26
- When I watch couples on tv doing cute things I imagine us doing them. November 26
- Get better little Sunshine. November 27
- Mmm.. Gummy bears. November 28
- Sometimes when I cross a street I wish that there would be a car I didn't see run over me. November 28
- I am bad luck to myself. I burnt my finger =[ November 29
- I'm sick of being my parents slave. November 29
- I have a presentation today. I hate talking in front of people.. I'm shaking right now just thinking about it. =[ November 30
- Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new. November 30
- I'm pathetic. November 30
- Patiently waiting for you to come back to me. December 1
- Hiccups are so annoying. December 1
- Thanks for ditching me. December 1
- I waited for you for 18 minutes. =| Saw you with her and then left. December 1
- I wish I had a crystal ball to see what my future witholds. Is it worth living for? December 2
- My sister is evil. December 3
- I feel as if I'm forgotten by the one I love most. December 3
- I wonder if he'll remember my birthday. December 3
- Yay for two hour delays. December 4
- I don't think I can do this anymore. December 4
- I feel like a complete idiot thinking he cared. He must not care that much about me if he doesn't make any attempt to talk to me. Sigh. December 4
- Crying helps me release everything that hurts. I cried but now I'm okay. If he doesn't care nor do I. December 4
- I like to cry in bed. December 5
- My kitty likes to steal my chair. December 5
- It's weird how like everything about someone and what makes them who they are can be 'cured' with medication. December 5
- The only good thing that comes from snow is snow days & making naked trees look pretty. December 5
- Guys in uniforms are hot. December 5
- I hope it's not too late. December 6
- All I'm thinking about is trying to think of something to put in this thought box. Oo December 6
- I wish I could stay in bed forever. December 7
- I think that if I really wanted to commit suicide I'd join the army. I'd rather die for my country then just kill myself senselessly. December 7
- I feel like I live in a snowglobe.December 7
- Do you care for what's on my mind? December 8
- I pretend that I'm interested in this boring class so I wont fall asleep. December 8
- I think we both know this isn't going to work. December 8
- I think if we can make it through this we can make it through anything. December 9
- 'I do understand, don't worry.' 'I'll wait until you're ready' You don't know how much those words mean to me. December 9
- We can be hopeless romantics together. December 9
- I wish I could shower with Ally. December 9
- Movie night with Jen. And fag dancing on cam with suffocation. December 9
- I can't think, I'm coloring Hello Kitty. December 10
- Jen won't let me sleep. December 10
- I never noticed how much my younger siblings have impacted my life and how much I've impacted theirs. I will miss them when I move away. December 11
- Some of my thoughts are contradicting. December 11
- Aw, Our chemistry class pet, rat thing died. =[ December 11
- I'm going to be sad if Ashley doesn't decorate my locker for my birthday. December 11
- My birthday is tommorrow. December 11
- Happy Birthday To Me! December 12
- I got a dozen pink roses for my birthday ='] Now I have to bring them to all my classes. December 12
- Ashley better like her locker tommorrow because I spent all my birthday money for it & I missed my call from Ally =[ And Alyssa killed my computer. December 13
- I'm getting so frustrated with school.. So many projects to do. I'm going insane. & I feel like crying. December 13
- I blew out all 18 candles.. Now I'm just waiting for my wish to come true. December 14
- I enjoy talking to him on the phone. December 15
- I'm lost without my computer =[ December 15
- Yay, I finally got it to work.. December 18
- Our Christmas Tree looks like a huge, fat Hershey Kiss. December 18
-I wish he loved me as much as I love him. December 18
-WARNING: This Tag must be Removed by the Store. Injury from permanent ink & Glass will result if forced off -.- American Eagle -.- fuckers forgot to take security tag off.. December 18
- I love feeling pretty. December 19
- I love new clothes. December 19
- I need constant reasurrance. December 19
- 'What' up beautiful?' I never thought I would hear that from him Oo.. I needed that boost of confidence, thanks. December 20
- I hate my life. December 20
- We are having some serious Global Warming & it scares me. Where are you dumb snow? December 21
- I think we'll be having a green Christmas this year, here in New York... December 21
- Went to the Library with Jen for independent reading. I think I will enjoy this book. Bad Kitty
by Michele Jaffe. December 21
- Bringing Frosted Animal Cookies for Christmas Party in Economics. Everyone will love them.
- Woo for free stuff. December 22
- My kitty is resting on my arm. I hope she's okay. She can't jump well. I don't know if she's just too fat and lazy, pregnant or hurting. December 22
- This tunnel has no light at the end. It only gets darker. December 22
- No one needs me. I have no reason to live. December 22
- Where are you Ally? December 23
- I'm starting to dislike holidays more and more. They cause too many troubles. December 23
- I miss being a child & believing in Santa. I miss the exciting, magical, cheerful, mysterious feeling. December 24
- I suck at gift wrapping... December 24
- At least we got frost. I think that not having snow ruined Christmas spirit. Merry Christmas! December 25
- 'You're mean for making me hurry my pee-ness' LOL, Woops. December 26
- Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to be the next you take. December 27
- I'm a failure. December 27
- Help me escape my hell. December 27
- Nothing good lasts. December 28
- He makes all my worries go away. December 28
- My mom said my legs are getting thick. I must run. December 28
- I love my fuzzy green slippers. December 28
- Aslan is a lovely looking lion. December 29
- I can't sleep, Ally is here. December 29
- I am so dead and I am still awake trying to speak to my lover, though I am barely able to stay alive. December 29
- Yay Ally, I'm in love. December 29
- Ally left us and I am sad. December 29
- Just hearing his voice makes me smile. December 29
- I can't wait to have children & be a mommy. December 30
- Should I be worried? December 30
- All I want is to be in your arms. December 30
- My computer hates me. December 31

Internet

My internet has been shut off for the last few days that is why I haven't updated this with anything... I am tired... I am writing this laying down in my bed... lol.

So some things to note about the last few days...

Tuesday I believe was the day Aiden had Special Olympics.. He didn't do so good, he did good last year I guess. This is the first year I went but I think this is his third year doing it.

Mom asked me the day before if I wanted to walk up to Jefferson with her. I told her I could just drive us up there. So that's what I did, we stopped by Wilson Farms to pick up something to eat for lunch. I got Kailynn and I Lunchables and her a little bowl thing of fruit that came with a cute little spork thing that bent in half.. I was going to give it to Jen next time I see her because I thought she'd like it since it's plastic and little and cute but I ended up throwing it out.
I was shocked when we arrived.. there was literally no parking spots.. than I found this one that was like really tiny, I wasn't sure I could squeeze in there, but I did and I was hugely proud of myself. My mom was like "I have no idea how you did that.." hahar. I am good, K. =]

I couldn't pay much attention to how Aiden and the event was going.. I only really got to see him race.. I had to chase Kailynn all over Strider field because she doesn't like to be held for very long... eventually though she must of got tired or hot because I got to hold her for awhile.. It was really hot out (my shoulders actually got burnt and I never get burnt) and I was getting really frustrated. She kept trying to play in the sand pits.. everyone thought she was adorable though. Eventually I went back to my car to get her stroller. I wish I had used the stroller earlier because she was a lot easier to control in there.. I didn't think she would like being in it because she usually doesn't. She probably didn't mind the shade from the umbrella like thing to cover the seat. Oh and I accidentally interfered a race. Ugh I was so embarrassed. I was trying to find my mom and Aiden and I was on my phone talking to her trying to find her because there was like a million people there.. so I didn't notice I was walking where they were doing the races, I finally realized it when I noticed a bunch of people were looking at me and someone was waving their arms over to one side trying to signal me to get out of the way..

Tuesday I also went to DMV to basically beg them to get me a road test before my 5 hour expires. They told me that I should be fine since I made my appointment before it expires. They had like two different people trying to help me out.. at first one lady was saying it had to be good for the test, than she changed her mind... I don't know.. the other lady just seemed to I have a feeling the person that will test me is going to be an asshole and say no I can't do it because it's expired. I haven't canceled my new 5 hour class appointment just in case they end up being jerks and I have to go do it again and set up another road test. Blehhhhh, I wish I could set up another road test appointment too because now the earliest is July 20th.. that went fast since I just made mine and it's for July 6th... but they only let you do one at a time. Roar so who knows when I can do another road test after I find out I can or cannot do it on July 6th. >=\ July 20th would be great for another road test since my appointment for 5 hour is on July 11 and 12th. So whatever.. I am just going to go to my test and try.. the worst that can happen is they say no or I fail and I have to go to the stupid 5 hour and then setup another road test that will probably be another couple months away. >x| I don't think I am even going to point out that it's expired and see if they notice.

Yesterday morning I felt like I was dying.. I woke up at like 5 am feeling like I couldn't breathe. My heart was also beating really really fast and hard. It felt like I was just running a far distance and I was out of breath because of it and I was trying to catch my breath. It hurt, my whole chest was sore. I'm not sure why I felt like that but I immediately thought it might be because of anemia. (I was anemic with Kailynn and had to take iron pills, but for some reason I must have not been anemic when I got my blood tested because my doctor didn't say I need iron pills) I haven't taken my prenatal vitamin pills in a week because we haven't had the time to get them at rite aid. I seriously thought it was anemia because it felt like my body was trying to pump blood really fast throughout my body and I probably didn't have much blood to pump, anemia is like when your blood count is low.. so that's why I felt like I couldn't breathe because I didn't have enough blood to oxygenate. I also think it might be anemia because the night before I drank some orange juice and orange juice pretty much keeps you from getting any iron. (I didn't know that until I looked up anemia on my phone) It also could of been because I was wearing a shirt that was somewhat tight on me.. I don't knowwww.

"Most commonly, people with anemia report non-specific symptoms of a feeling of weakness, or fatigue, general malaise and sometimes poor concentration." I definitely felt weak.

"In severe anemia, there may be signs of a hyperdynamic circulation: a fast heart rate (tachycardia), bounding pulse, flow murmurs, and cardiac ventricular hypertrophy (enlargement). There may be signs of heart failure."

Yeah I definitely think I was close to dying and it's lame because I knew I was bad and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it but like I never think I am that close to dying. (I expect death to be way worse.. I guess) Luckily I thought it was bad enough to cry to Brad and he was concerned enough to ask his boss if he could leave work a little bit to get me my pills.

I Want A Horse

So I was putting things on craigslist for my dad and one thing is a rototiller, since it's a thing to dig up the ground to make it soft for gardening I put it under the category farm & garden. I decided to look at other things that were being sold and I noticed this add. They pretty much take care of your horse for you for$210 a month.. I think that's relatively cheap.. it's like less than $3000 a year. It's $2520.. I think the only thing else you have to pay is it's vet care. They feed it and give it a home. I figured if anyone else I knew was also interested in having a horse we could split the expenses. I think it'd be neat but it's probably time consuming too so I probably shouldn't.. at least for another couple years. =\\

This handsome fellow is up for sale at their farm. His name is Bonjovi.. lol. He seems really cute. "This little guy gets in to everything! He opens gates, pulls blankets off buddies, the works."