Friday, April 29, 2011

Found Out the Sex of the Baby!!

=]]] I'm excited and really want to tell everyone right now but I remember Jen saying she wants to be firsttttttttttttt. Bleh, and she is not onlinnnnnnnnnnnnne like she said she would be. Jen won't be first thoughhh, more like third since Brad was there and I told my sis since she was watching Kailynn for us. Since Jen isn't online she's probably going to be like the 23593523 since we have to pick up Devin and will probably tell him and Brad's stepdad. Maybe I'll try texting Adumb, not sure if I have the right number though... hm.

I can't even say much because I don't want to give it away in this posttttt. Ugh. We got a couple pictures from 3Dness!! That was a first, they didn't do that for Kailynn... but it was really neat and cute. Awrrrrrrrrr. We got more pictures of this baby than we did for Kailynn. Kailynn only got two pictures on the first ultrasound and one on the last ultrasound... and the only reason we got to have two ultrasounds was because my doctor wanted to check up on something. Hopefully maybe we get to see this baby again because hopefully she didn't measure everything she was supposed to... it seemed faster this time. She was super nice though, I liked her a lot, a lot more than the people before.

K I need to stop before I accidentally say it.

I am tired and Kailynn is napping and looks really comfy which makes me want to cuddle up and nap even more. We haven't gotten my car yet, because they are putting a new pump thing or something for power steering in it and I guess the pump arrived later than expected and they still have to go to DMV and get plates for it.

Right now Brad is getting his sporty car out of storageeeee.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

It's Hott

Really warm today... I also got my packageeeeeeeeeee. =] I bought a bunch of cheap makeup last week. Mainly nail polish and lip gloss. I finally spent some money on myselffff. I already painted my finger nails with a color I bought.. I'm really not sure what you would call this color... kinda bluish and kinda greenish but really pale.
Excuse my uglyness.

Making Fettuccine for dinner tonight.. I really don't feel like it.. the kitchen is already really hot with the dryer on.. I hate doing laundry in this stupid apartment during the warmer seasons.. I don't mind it in the winter because it's just like another heater to warm the apartment up.

I don't know, I'm annoyed... Brad can be such a jerk.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Car, Baby, House

It's pretty nice out today. Didn't do much but clean, cooked Tacos and talk a bunch to parents.
Talked about cars, baby, house..

Dad really doesn't think I should get the car I want because of it being a gas hog and gas is getting pricey. I still want it =[ I feel so much better about driving around in the winter with it because it has a v8 and a lot of people said the car is good in the winter, like they drive by stuck cars easily. My dad doesn't think I'll ever be able to sell it if I don't want it anymore because everyone is going to steer away from v8 cars. People who want v8's are usually people who are looking for a truck to haul things. Bleh, I don't plan on selling it anywayssssss.
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=1758945519851760103
Baby... everyone seems to think I'm having a baby boy.. Jen, Brad and mom thinks so.. We will find out in 3 more daysss!!! <3 I told mom that I'm hoping it's a girl so I don't have to worry about buying a million more things.... She offered me Acaylas old toddler bed but I rather get the same thing Kailynn has now.. which is like a 4 in one kinda thing.. crib that can be transformed into a toddler bed and a regular bed plus changing table can just be dresser. I rather let Kailynn grow up in her bed and be able to say she's had that bed all her life... like it's meant to be and get the baby another one that they can grow up into.. it'll save money in the long run, by not having to buy a million freaken beds.. still kinda pricey at the moment.

Mom wanted to see my belly but I wouldn't purposely show her.. Makes me feel awkward. Alaynie and Acayla were trying to get me to stand straight up and hold my arms up? to see my belly I guess and than Acayla says "Ashlynn has a pooch on her belly!!!" Kinda annoys me. Mom said "it's not a pooch.. it's the baby inside her." Blehhhhhhhhhhh, way to point out my fatnessssss. >=\

Then somehow we started talking about the house next door and me and Brad moving. I told them it's going to be hard for us to find a place since like 99% of the places don't allow pets and my mom was like we allow petsssssss. Hinting to move down there... I really don't want to but I'm thinking we might have to for now... I'm making Brad promise that it isnt going to be a permanent thing because I really don't want to live there forever. I really want new surroundings... I've lived there almost my whole lifeeeeeeeeeeeeee and I really don't like the layout of the apartment. Grrrrrr, makes me really sad thinking about moving back into there... been some bad memories =\\\ Like my head being smashed into the living room wall, my head being smashed against the ceramic bathroom tub, watching my sister being picked up by only her hair in the kitchen... having it done to myself and watching the world turn into a blur from being shaken. I remember having my head pounded into the wall one day and while she was doing it I was hoping it'd be the last time... hoping she'd do it hard enough to finally kill me. Sighhhhhh. It was pretty much hell living there most of my life. It's kinda funny how easy it is for tears to fall just thinking about it. They are falling now. =\\ I hate that me and Alyssa had to go through that. I wish I asked for help but I was too scared. I'm so surprised I survived that, so many times I wanted to commit suicide because I was tired of my mom beating me up.

Sighhh, I don't think I want to write anymore, goodnight.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Busyness and Kailynn's 2nd Easter

Saturday we test drove the car. Brad drove it out a few miles and I drove it back. Only little things came up like it was a tiny bit loud but they said that they'll fix the muffler leak or whatever it's called before we even left. It also steered to the right but that should be fixed too.. the steering wheel probably just needs to be realigned. It also didn't have any power steering. That just means it needs some fluid, should be fixed as well. Brad's going to mention everything to them that needs fixing plus we aren't going to buy it unless they have it inspected. It would be pointless to buy a car if we can't get it on the road because there's something wrong with it and can't get it to pass inspection. Hopefully since the tires are pretty low on tread maybe they'll provide new ones in order to pass inspection if not we'll probably have to buy new tires before snow falls.

Edit: Brad left work early today to talk to the dealer because he hasn't been available both times we've went there. He finally got the bills of sales and handed it into the bank. The dealer said he could have the car ready by this Wednesday but since we still need to get it insured and the plates, we're going to pick it up on Friday after my ultrasound... =]] I'm really excited for Friday... I get to bring home my car and find out what my baby is. Best day evvvvverrrrrrrrrrrr. Kinda scary though because I'll probably have to drive it home illegally since Brad will have to drive his truck back home. I don't know it's going to be confusing since Brad is getting his Eclipse out too.

I have no idea where we are going to park three vehicles. Brad isn't even going to be able to park where he parks now much longer because the house next door is going up for auction. Everyone else in the neighborhood already parks in the street. Grandma's Monte Carlo is taking our parking spot.. =\\ This household has way too many vehicles.. My dad has Grandma's Monte Carlo, Alyssa's Hyundai, their truck and van.. Now we are going to have an Eclipse, Aurora, and Durango. That's 7 vehicles, it's going to look like a dealership here. LOOL. Ugh, I really don't know. I don't think my parent's are going to like having our three vehicles around. Hopefully we find a place with an alright sized driveway.

Other news? I don't knowwwwww. Baby inside me seems fine I guess? I don't feel it much anymore but I'm guessing it's because I've been kinda busy and distracted by other things.

Kailynn is good, yesterday was Easter and she was so adorable going Easter egg hunting in my parents yard. I took a bunch of pictures that I might post on facebook after I'm done posting this. I wish I had my video camera but I was in a hurry trying to get Kailynn ready for it because everyone was waiting for us. Would of been really cute to get some of her reactions recorded.. She was like a pro at hunting eggs even though they were obvious and easy to find. I was so proud of her and shocked on how well she was doing.. She like knew to pick them up and place them in her basket that I was carrying around for her since the handle was pretty long. At first she was trying to squish them together to fit on the very bottom but than she just started throwing them in there. That's until she picked up an egg and it popped open on her, she literally jumped a tiny bit because it scared her. She obviously didn't know that they had anything in them or that they opened.. or maybe it made that little popping noise they make and that scared her?? Now that I think about it I wonder if she thought they were the hard boiled eggs we colored and dyed the night before... Poor thing <3 I love her. After that egg popped open with a little bright colored marshmallow bunny in her hands she jumped and threw it back on the ground, after that she didn't want anything to do with them, no more hunting... so me and my grandmother picked the rest up for her. My mom had a little Easter basket of things prepared for her, it had a bunny that had velcro on it's hands so grandma wrapped that around her. It also had strawberry smelling bubbles and egg shaped chalk and a sippy cup. <3 I blew a little bit of the bubbles outside and Kailynn covered her face.. lol. <3

We ended up making our own Easter dinner because we didn't think we were invited to eat with my parents and because we've been doing a lot of driving this week we didn't have enough gas to go to Brad's step dad's. It was yummy, I actually rather make our own food so that I know there's food I'll like.. like when we eat at Brad's Aunt Brenda for X-Mas Eve dinner I don't eat much because I don't really like the food they make or provide. I just go for the meat and potatoes.

Well I think that's about all I have to say.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Lots of Driving Around

So Brad got out of work early today at 10 am. Luckily kinda because my dad needed a ride back home once he dropped off his van to get more work done. He came up here like right before Brad got home to ask me if I could follow him up there. So we followed him to the garage and brought him back home.

Than we left for Mayville to hand in Brad's checks so that we could be reimbursed the extra money they take out of his checks for health insurance.

After that we headed to Fredonia because he got a letter in the mail saying he was qualified for a $6000 loan.. I really didn't want him to, I really don't like burrowing money.. He was only going to use it to help pay rent to a new place figuring the payments for the loan would be cheaper than the rent itself and pay the rest back when we get our taxes. Luckily they didn't give it to him. We had my GPS with us so we used it to help us find a fast way to get there, took roads we never take, I loved it. I love seeing new things. Saw a sign nailed to a tree in a forest that said "Jesus believes in you." or something like that. Also drove by what looked like an Apiary.. lots of large white boxes in the middle of a field so I figured it was a bee farm. Didn't know anything like that was around here. Only seen that kinda stuff on tv or maybe books in science class.

After that we went car shopping, first looking at places in Jamestown. Found a couple Chryslers almost exactly like each other. The 2004 was like at our maximum price, in really nice shape, only thing bad on it was the drivers seat was pretty worn down. The cheaper one was two years older and had lots of scratches on it and a couple indentations on the trunk but it also had a sunroof like I want.. I rather have that one, I don't mind the scratches, actually makes me feel a little more comfortable in it with not having to worry about possibly getting scratches on it myself plus I can always have it painted.. plus it's like $1,000 cheaper and has sunroof and everything works and it's sso quiettttttttt, unlike Brads loud truck, like after the guy started the engine you couldn't hear it at all. It's really big though, really fat, really big trunk so we kept looking. Something like this:


We went to like 8 places.

Our last stop we ended up going to this dealership that sells really cheap cars. Found one I really love but it makes me nervous because Brad really wants me to have it and I'm not sure if I trust the guy. My dad knows him and says he sells junk... though it really doesn't look like junk to me. Some Whitehill dude. So I'm kinda having my dad secretly (because Brad doesn't want him to) look at it for me since its really close to his work and I trust his instinct way more than brad... I just want to be smart. I really don't want to buy a piece of junk that is going to need constant work. We really don't have that kinda money. I've looked it up and A LOT of people are saying it's a really nice car but they do need work every so often. It's a silver 2001 Oldsmobile Aurora 4.0. So prettyyyyyyy, I love how the dash like turns towards me and it's not as big as the Chrysler and a lot of people said it's a good winter vehicle, good at climbing snowy hills. It doesn't have a sunroof though =[ I can always have one put in because there is ones that have it. I'm afraid it's going to be a gas hog though because it has a V8. Big engine. "The 4.0L Sedan is equipped with a standard 4.0-liter, V8, 250-horsepower engine that achieves 17-mpg in the city and 25-mpg on the highway." ...Yeah, not so good on gas. =| I really really want to want it but I'm so scared something is wrong with it because the price is so cheapppppp. The guy has already lied to us I think... because I just typed the vin number on yahoo to see if anything would come up and a site popped up and it said "
  • September, 2000 - New vehicle registered with DMV
03/08/2011 - 113,330 miles - Vehicle listed for sale in Ellwood City, PA for $1,250 "

He told Brad it only had 60,000 miles and he's selling it for over double that price. He is probably the one who bought it.. So unless he put work into it I feel like we are getting robbed. If he worked on it than I don't mind paying double the price he payed. He is obviously going to try making money out of it.

He wasn't there when we were checking it out so we didn't get to turn it on or anything.. or ask much about it. Ughhhh. It looks brand new almost, just a little dirty on the floors. Has a small crack on the back bumper, the front hood looks a little warped... like it was bent in slightly. Plus a filter like thing on the bottom front is broken, but they seem like easy fixes. I just want to go look at it again but I don't think Brad is going to let me. =[ He wants to be in control from here on out pretty much.. I'm most likely going to order a carfax report on it if my dad thinks it's alright.. =\\ I kinda don't want to because it's a whopping $35 not including tax... that could go towards the baby =\\\\ Ughhhhhhhhhhh. I hate buying expensive things. I'm so nit picky, making sure it's worth it... etc. Kelly Blue Book says Oldsmobile Aurora 4.0 is worth $4,641. He's asking $3,400 but a lot of them on Cars.com is being sold for 7k and up... confusinggggggggggg. Just like this oneeeeeee.



Edit: Brad just told me the Bank approved the car and the payments are cheaper than his truck... That doesn't mean it's ours yet.. he still needs to talk to the dealer dude. =|||

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Last Couple Days

I was going to update yesterday but it was already almost midnight and I hate posting around that time because of instead of saying today I have to say yesterday even though it like just turned a day. Blehhh.
Yesterday
So yesterday I had a doctors appointment.. I was pretty much cranky up until the appointment. I texted my dad asking him if he was going to be able to give me a ride... He asked me what time, I said that the appointment is at 3. Then he said that he could but it was going to be tight because he got out of work at 2:30 and that he can't be giving me rides whenever I need them... >=\ That annoyed me, this is like the second time I asked for a tiny favor this year... both being rides to appointments but it's April, that seems alright to me. Then he complained how Alyssa is always asking for rides to work, walmart, to their place and I guess now that Linda has a problem with her brain, David her boyfriend won't go to the store to get things they need so Linda has been asking for rides. Like wtf, way to bitch to me about it after I've only asked a couple times.. it's not my fault everyone else is asking for rides too. Maybe you should bitch to the people that are asking you for rides constantly. Excuse me for asking for anything. And than he was like not even making sense bringing Brad into the situation.. oh "Brad needs to figure out how to get you to the appointments when he cannot and not rely on me" (why can't I rely on my own father a couple times out of the year??) even though he's getting me a freaken car.. and my dad knows that.. It's like wtf else do you expect from him.. I think getting a car is a pretty good answer to the problem.. Grr!@$%)&#%&#%!@$!*@$

I already don't like asking for help, way to make me feel worse because I didn't want to walk in the rain with Kailynn.
I don't even dare to ask for any help with getting anything for this new baby or even the baby shower =[ I'm all alone.

So anyways the appointment was kinda interesting I guess. I peed (for some reason they make you pee in a cup every appointment), got weighed and found out I lost 1/2 - 1 pound (that really surprised me, I feel like I have gain 5 pounds not lost any, plus pants are already getting tight so I have no idea how that happened) My blood pressure is good. There's a new nurse lady working there, she seems nice. My doctor then asked me some questions like how I was feeling. Then I laid on the little bed/table kinda thing, she measured my tummy, pushed down on my tummy and noted that my uterus was pretty big, it's above my belly button now and she squirted gel on me and found the baby's heart beat pretty fast this time. She asked if there were any twins in either our families. She counted the heartbeats to make sure it was healthy or whatever. She thinks it's going to be a girl based on the heartbeats. Then she told me she was going to see if she could find another heartbeat just in case there were twins. Didn't find anything. That was pretty much it for the appointment except the nurse made me an appointment for my ultrasound.. she made it for the 28th of April but Brad just changed it to the 29th today because he was already thinking about taking that Friday off (to pickup my car at wherever we are getting it and his car out of the storage) and didn't want to take two days off from work that week. I'm really excited to find out what this baby isssssssssss.

We had a lightning storm late last night, I enjoyed that.

That was pretty much it for yesterday.

Today
nothing really worth noting.. except I am trying to find a girl name that I like and failing. I liked Riley until I realized it's Janelle's last name. Blehhhhhh. It's cold and rainy out.

Tomorrow we are going car shopping!!! Well just looking at cars and writing their information down because we are getting a car loan and the bank will only give you the money if they think the car is priced right. I'm excited for thatttttttttt. The end.

P.s. Jen I read your huge post. =]

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Stressed

My Aunt Pam wrote on Facebook: "Today I had the Gamma Knife and I'm really glad that's over with!! It wasn't as painful as I had been told....but wouldn't want to go though that again!! That you Jesus for answering all the prayers. You truly are a good God"
I'm really glad it went good for her, I've been thinking about her a lot. I even prayed a little when I woke up this morning. =\\

Kinda frustrated and stressed out at just about anything right now. =\\ I'm 18 weeks today, pretty much half way donee... I need a crib for the baby... if it's a boy a new carseat.. Now I wish I would of gotten a stroller/carseat set that was alright for both genders. If it's a boy, need clothes...

I really hope it's a girl, it will be so much easier since we still have everything of Kailynn's. I'd still buy the baby girl some new clothes but not as much as I did for Kailynn. Sighhhhhhhh, and Brad doesn't really seem to be worried about it like me or even thinking about helping getting anything we need for the baby... "I'm trying to get stuff that we need and I want to enjoy the summer!!" =| Yeah.. all his money is probably going towards his stupid car.

I'm already getting depressed about my new big belly =''[ I just want to be skinny and look young and pretty like I should be at my age. Brad's always watching these movies with gorgeous girls in their underwear or have sex scenes and it makes me feel worse. Makes me want to cry cause I'm just fat and gross with his child inside me.

Oh yeah I have my Doctor's appointment tomorrow. I'll probably find out when my sonogram is going to be.

Monday, April 18, 2011

It's Sunday

So todayyyyyyyyyyyyyy, is Sunday. Had grilled cheese for dinner. Kailynn loved the tomato soup.
I looked up a bunch of used cars on the internet... found one I love.. the only thing I don't like about it is the exterior color. It's gold. =| I hate goldddddddddddddd but it's so nice. Leather seatsssss, everything is powered and it has a sunroof which I really want. <33 Brad seems to like it too but he doesn't think I'll like it in person though.. too big/fat or something. Hummm. 2000 Chrysler Concorde LXI
So for the weekend we got a free trial of HBO and Cinemax on DirecTv (they usually do this during holiday weekends) so Brad recorded a bunch of movies to our dvr. We watched a ton today. Can't even remember it all.. We just got done watching Valentine's Day, that's an alright movie... lots of popular actresses and actors in it. Brad watched a movie Ninja Assassin while I napped, I watched like the last half hour of it, it was alright... lots of body parts and blood tossed everywhere. We also watched Marmaduke, I think that was right before Ninja Assassin because I missed the last half of that. We also watched the first Diary of a Wimpy Kid... another alright movie. Hmmm, I think that was it.
That was my day.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Stupid Movie

I don't know what I could write about today.. but I want to write something...... Hm.
Had spaghetti for dinner... I've been craving it for awhile now..
That Buried movie was really lame, I didn't like any of it.. not just the ending. It made my chest hurt also.. because in the whole movie he's in a tiny box buried under sand. Made me want to hold my breath throughout the whole thing.
Thinking about making another polyvore.. kinda. Makes me kinda sad that I'm not getting any "likes" for the things I make or win any contests. =[ I feel like they have gotten better too.. =[

Here for the lack of a post I'll share a picture I just found on Stumble that made me laugh and smile. Reminds me of Kailynn, so cute. <3 The hair, the legs, the chubby cheeks.. the book. Maybe I should try potty training her?



Kailynn loves books now, if they are paper though she sometimes rip them (yay for cardboard bookssss) but she'll be carrying them under her arms put them on the coffee table and flip through the pages pointing at things. I told her that her daddy probably wouldn't like it if she became a librarian because he's all about being cool and non geekish. I told Brad that I didn't think he would like her to be a librarian but shockingly he said she wouldn't be an ugly one so he's fine with it I guess Oo

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Ipod, Music, Packing, Vlog

So last night I was listening to a bunch of music and I got frustrated with my Ipod once again.. I don't know. It always frustrates me, I can't figure out what's already on my ipod and which isn't.. so I ended up just deleting every freaken song I could find on my laptop.. I'm thinking there's still some on here somewhere which makes me mad, seems like when Brad downloaded music he had them all scattered into a bunch of different folders... Grr and for some reason Itunes seems to be still finding those songs Oo unless I have them on my Ipod and not realize it.

I also can't figure out how to put songs on my ipod correctly? I don't know, I never know if it actually went on or not.. =\\ so frustratinggggggggg. It really probably shouldn't be this frustrating. It's probably because I try to rush... I just want to be able to transport songs from laptop to ipod... that's it. Shouldn't be that confusinggggg!!!

Anyways listening to music on my ipod late at night reminded me back in the day, back when I was in high school during summer vacation when I used to fall asleep to the radio since I didn't have to listen for my alarm clock.. I miss doing that but Brad won't let me if I tried. =[ I loved it.

So I cleaned/packed Kailynn's room a bit today.. I only pack little random things that I don't think we will need during the summer. I'm excited to moveeeeeeeeeee, hopefully to a much bigger/nicer place.

I'm also kinda thinking about doing vlogs.. maybe once I get a car.. I'm hoping by doing vlogs it'll help motivate me to enjoy life a little more, help me become a little less socially awkward, and motivate me to be a better mother.. plus have tons of memories recorded.

Well I should go now, Brad started our netflix movie, Buried. Adios

Friday, April 15, 2011

My Car, Bed, Crayons

I am tired already.. Brad had the guys come back to take the base boards back earlier today because he didn't want them because they made the bed too high. Not sure if they noticed Kailynn's little signature on the one. =X Yes, we had it for like one day and Kailynn already got at it with a crayon. Shouldn't really matter though, not like anyone would see it once a bed is on top of it.

She's been a little pain in the butt with crayons now.. she used to be good and only color in coloring books but now if she finds a pen or a crayon she writes on whatever is closest to her. She's already drawn on our living room wall above our bed with pen, a little bit of crayon on the speaker luckily Brad doesn't care about.. She's drawn on the back of her little kitchen play set. What else... I believe there is yellow crayon on something else.. can't think where though at the moment. It's obviously less noticeable than blue pen or purple crayon. And she usually does it while I'm cooking dinner or doing dishes so by the time I realize what she's doing it's way too late. Hope the parents don't mind painting this room again.. I told Alyssa that I was hoping they won't get mad and she said they probably won't because their own kids have done the same thing.

Humm so I guess Brad is thinking about getting me my car by May 1st... 8 days earlier than mothers dayyyyyyyy. xDDD But he says I can't drive it until mothers day =[[ but I'm thinking that might change =DDD and I get to pick it outtttttt. At first it was all going to be huge surprise.. I wasn't even supposed to know he was thinking about getting me a car for mothers day.. but now there's like no surprise at all since I will be picking it out and junkkkkkkk. I'm so excitedd. He's thinking May 1st because he wants to get his eclipse that he bought a few months ago out of storage so he doesn't have to pay for another month and get that registered so he'll do them at the same timee. Woot, woot. That's like in only a couple weeeeeeeeeks, and as soon as I get to drive it I'm going to force my dad in spending time with me and Kailynn in my car so I can practice parallel and junkkkkk since Brad doesn't get out of work until 6:30 pm.

~~Jen are you going to try getting your license before your 5 hour expires? That will suck having to go through that boring crap again. I am making sure I don't have to. Plus my freaken permit expires December anyways so I definitely need to get it so I don't have to redo permit test anddddddddd 5 hour. It will be so nice not having to worry about getting my license anymoree.

On another note I wish I listened to music more often.. I seriously like never listen to music anymore unless Brad is watching BET or something. =\\\ I just wish I had lyrics to put onto my polyvore creations like everyone else does.. but like whatever I make I can't think of any lyrics that would relate to it. It's lameeeeeeeeeee. I really need to listen to more music because I need to fill my ipod up so I can jam to my own tunes when I go cruising in my car. I'm so excited <> I already put my graduation tassel in my cd case... too bad my cats mangled it kinda (there's like a couple strings longer than the rest for some reason.. I'll just cut them to the length all the others are..) and I'm not sure where my good one is.. might be still in my room in the basement. Bleh.. I can't waitttttttttt. I want to be all cute and pick out my own freshener for it.. and my tassle hanging on my mirrorrrrrrrrrrrr. even though I'm pretty sure you are not allowed to have that kinda thing during your driving test so I'll have to remember to take it down. Okay I think I am done rambling, goodnight. <3
P.s. my cats are annoying >=\ they are meowing like they are in heat which they shouldn't be cause they are fixed.. especially Buddy, he got fixed before he got hormonal.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Nany

Blehh, nothing great happened today. It was like any other day besides I watched the new episode of Real World. Feel so bad for Nany. <3 I kinda want to add her on facebook but I feel kinda strange because I'm only doing it because she's on the show. If she wasn't on the show I'd probably never think about adding her but I noticed I have 10 friends in common with her so everyone else I know is probably adding her for the same reason. She seems like such a nice person on the show.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

New Bed, Chinese, Aunts

Yesterday was a bit of a rush... Brad came home for lunch and told me that we were having a bed delivered here between 1pm - 3pm and it was going to be bigger so I had to make more room for it. So I took Kailynn's little toy box out from the corner of the living room and put it in her room and moved the couch over.. The guys didn't show up until it was almost 3, I had to sign a couple things because it was brand new or something.. I don't know. They just left the bed standing up in the corner.. even though I really shouldn't of had, I put the bed together.
The mattress itself was like 100 pounds. I was just going to but the box board down so I knew how much room it needed because it didn't look like there was enough space for it but the mattress ended up falling into the middle of the living room and I couldn't just leave it there because we couldn't go around it or anything. That thing was so heavy and took me awhile to maneuver it.
I really hope the baby is okay... I'm always scared I'm going to kill the baby by lifting heavy things because everyone at work made sure I didn't have to pick up anything heavy when I was pregnant and working.. (I just looked it up and I guess the danger of lifting heavy things is not for the baby but for the mother because your center of gravity has changed and you might not be able to balance yourself with the extra weight so you can could fall and hurt yourself or even the baby.) I thought it would cause premature separation of the placenta but I guess not and I'm not spotting so that's good.

Mom came up here around 6 pm and asked if I wanted to go to chinese and I told her yeah but I'd have to make Brad's dinner first. So I made it and got Kailynn ready for dinner. Brad got home and noticed the bed and noticed it was extremely high up and he sat on it and said he didn't like how high up it was.. than I told him that I was going out to eat with Mom and he got pissed. >=\ "We were supposed to eat dinner together" Yeah well what about the weekends? You don't give a shit about eating with me then. "I'm not going to pay you this week if you leave" "Who's going to feed Kailynn?" "I'm not eating because you are ruining it" Whateverrrrrrrr. He tries to control everything I do and it makes me mad.. like every time I try going somewhere without him he gives me a hard time about it. Can't believe he got so mad at me for just wanting to eat Chinese with my mother.. So I have a feeling he's probably going to ditch me this weekend to drink and leave Devin the brat with me again. Whatever.

So I left anyways just to prove that he can't and won't control me. Dad dropped us off there. Got our table and ate and talked about random stuff like the food on our plate, she had white strings things on her plate and I asked what it was.. she said rice noodles and it was good and offered me some but I didn't try it. Talked about how she tried to make egg drop soup and it ended up being a disaster.

Than I brought up the Aunts. Linda got out of the hospital yesterday, I guess they let her. My Aunt Pam is getting a cage screwed to her head on Monday for the surgery she's getting.. The cage is to make sure she doesn't move at all because I guess they are using some type of laser like thing to burn it up so that the tumor doesn't grow anymore.. guess it'll stay in there. I guess if they tried opening her brain up to get it out she would die so they are doing something similar to neurosurgery but different and called something else but I forgot the name of it. The cage sounds really scary because they will obviously numb her for when the screws first goes in but once it hits her skull it's going to hurt a lot... because you can't really numb bone.. and they can't knock her out completely because they need her to be awake to make sure they haven't hit anything important during the laser part.. so I'm guessing they'll probably have her sing the alphabet or wiggle some body parts or something to make sure she's okay, scary stuff. =\\\\ She said she heard someone getting it done also and they were screaming their heads off =| Not sure how true that is.. I guess they found the tumor because she lost all hearing in one of her ears. =\\

So that was our dinner conversation basically, I went home to a dark hallway and the door locked, luckily I figured he was going to be jerk and had my keys in my sweater so I didn't have to possibly look for them in my purse in the dark.. He was laying in bed and the bed didn't have the baseboards anymore so it was lower.. than I waited for K to fall asleep and I went to sleep.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Brain Troubles

sSeems like my aunts are all falling apart now. =[ My aunt Linda was in the hospital Sunday, not sure if she's still in there.. but she was in there because of something with her brain.. Not really sure what, I think a blood clot or something or just bleeding.. the same reason she was there last summer.. They had to fly her to another hospital but she didn't want to stay there so she left and my dad had to go find her.

Now my aunt Pam is getting brain surgery done next Monday because they found a tumor.. she added me on facebook Sunday night and around 4 pm monday she sent me a message to have my mom call her because it was important.. Not really sure what was said besides the tumor.. Not sure how my mom feels about it.. =| or if she's going to try being there for her.. I know they have been fighting and not really talking for a few years.

Me and mom were supposed to go out and have Chinese but I guess she forgot or didn't know that I wanted to do it today. So had frozen pizza instead that I totally mangled.. =| Half way through cooking I realized I accidentally was cooking the pizza on top of the cardboard that is usually under frozen pizza. It was smaller than the pizza so I didn't even see it. So I knew the crust wasn't going to be crispy so I tried getting the cardboard off and all the cheese slid to one side of the pizza. Than because the pizza wasn't frozen anymore or crispy it was so soft it was falling through the wires of the rack... so I tried getting it off the rack to put on a cooking sheet and it just kept breaking into like a million pieces.. roar, worst pizza ever... lol. I was kinda having a bad day.. I even forgot to turn off the stove after it was done cooking..

I fail at cooking.. I've burnt grill cheese... made really crappy french toast because I dipped the bread in egg too long so it was like an omelette. lol I know there's other things I've ruined. bleh.. well I think that's all that happened today. Adios.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Beautiful Day

Today was beautiful outside!! Found out that we should definitely find a place that has a fenced yard. Now that Kailynn is pro at walking she just loves to run everywhere.. roads, other people's yards. A big pain in the butt to enjoy the outdoors now. =[[ Kailynn started learning to walk like a month before her birthday (August) so she crawled most of the summer and when she began to walk wasn't so good at it to get far fast. Now she's everywhere in a matter of seconds. Blehhh. I took a couple pictures while out there but they weren't that good because she didn't want to stand still.

Another thing Brad brought up is that a lot of apartments don't come with dishwashers... >=\ I really hope that's not true or we find a place that does.. because I HATE washing dishes by hand, I never really had to do it because my parents always had a washer. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee lord, give me a dish washerrrrrrrr. Or we will be eating off paper plates and paper cups. ;x

Acayla embarrassed the shit out of me. I think she's like 9. I really don't want to say it but I will because I rather not censor my journal. Kailynn was being good and was going for a little walk a few houses down.. I was following her and she fell on little pebbles. I picked her up and made sure she was okay, Kailynn mumbled a little bit (I know for sure she didn't say the n word because I never say it and Brad rarely ever says it) and Acayla like yelled out. "She said nigger!!!" (for some reason Acayla and Aiden like to scream out things that they think Kailynn said) My mouth seriously dropped because we were like right in front of a "black" (I'm sorry but I don't really like to differentiate humans by ethnic or the color of their skin so I'm not really sure of a proper way to call the group of people to explain the situation, it wouldn't help if I just blurted out their names) families home AND they were outside playing basketball. They are really nice boys too.. Acayla, Aiden, Alaynie and Devin all play with them when they are outside.. I yelled at Acayla quietly just in case they didn't hear her because I didn't want to make it more awkward. I told her that was a bad word and that she shouldn't ever say it especially around black people and she replied "Alaynie said it's not a bad word!" >=\\ I told her it's really mean. I still feel really bad because I wish I knew if they heard her and apologize if they did.. =\\ I kinda think the mother might of heard (she was looking in our direction and she's white so I want to think she's more understanding =\\) What do you think I should of done?? =[[[

I really wish my freaken parent's would take better care of their kids.. back when me and Alyssa were little we were never allowed to say any "bad" words and I hear Alaynie and Acayla calling each other bitches all the time. Really makes me mad, they don't pay any attention to the kids because they are both addicted to Secondlife.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Green Heels

I think missing that day has made posting here everyday a little less appealing. x|

Hm, well I've been addicted to polyvore again. I get in these artsy moods every once in awhile and I just want to put something pretty together. Polyvore helps me do that but without the messy house. =]]


Here's something I just got done making. I love it, I really LOVE the heels, I am so thinking about wearing some heels like that on the day we actually have our wedding ceremony junk. It's weird because I think I'll feel more comfortable (and maybe a little devious >;] ) if I have a little secret under my dress like brightly colored shoes. Just knowing that I am walking down an isle with brightly colored shoes that no one else can see might distract me enough with happyness without crying. I loveee the color lime green. It's my fave.

We went to walmart today to get groceries and a few other things like my picturesss. Now I just need to go through them and put them in my album. There's still more pictures I need developed, like ones closer to the day she was born. Right now I got pictures developed from like 4 months till now.

Also bought Kailynn some summer clothes... Hope they are not too big.. I got 3T which I believe is supposed to fit 3 year olds and she's only one but she'll be 2 in August... I just want them to last her awhile.. hopefully maybe they'll last for a couple summers... I got her this really brightly colored yellow dress. Jen might like it since her favorite color is yellow, not sure if it depends on it being bright or pale and I also know she's liking the color brown.. so heh. It's so cute, I love dresses on Kailynn, plus they are so easy to put on her and clean.. it's just one item of clothing. Also bought her a pair of white sandal like things.. cute. Total cost: like $53. Bleh, whatever, she needed it. They didn't really have any shorts out yet, they had some but barely any and I looked for her size but found nothing.

Brad ordered the movie Tangled on satellite, that was a cute movie, definitely wouldn't mind buying it for Kailynn. Brad loved the chameleon and the horse. The movie kinda makes me want a chameleon even though obviously it wouldn't be as cute. Still would be kinda neat to have, I'd want to watch it change into a million colors but in real life they probably only do that when they are scared or feel threatened. If it only needed a few sticks to climb on and a lamp and a few grasshoppers to eat it would seem like an easy pet. Not sure what they eat actually, I'd obviously look more into it before buying.

I think I am going alittle nuts over animals.. =| First a goat.. now a chameleon. gfakdjg But the one on Tangled was soo cute. <3 Brad wants fish. Big fish in a big tank, not sure what exactly but I believe he's more interested in the salt water kind and they seem like a pain in the butt to take care of.. at least I am not sure where you can get salt water because I highly doubt you have can just make it yourself with table salt <> plus I think it needs to be cleaned a lot in order to keep the fishies happy.
K Goodbye, I will just cuddle with my two bratty cats for now.


Friday, April 8, 2011

Nothing Happened

Since it's 1am I only have to say a few things about yesterday.

I cleaned.

I said I love you to Kailynn and she said thank you. That was pretty cute.

It's actually pretty warm today, no need for heaters. All the snow from the day before pretty much melted.

We had pizza && wings, which never happens. (The wing part)

My laptop is burning my lap.

The end.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Darnit

Darnit, I was trying to post everyday for at least a month, maybe I should be like Jen and cheat with the time. ;]

lol, I am tired.

Seriously looks like Christmas outside right now but supposedly it's supposed to be alright tomorrow so hopefully it all melts again for like the 18th million time this year.

Not going anywhere tomorrow, usually we go to Walmart on Thursdays but we are going on Saturday instead. I'm kinda thinking about calling Walmart to tell them I'll be in to pick up my photos on Saturday because I was supposed to pick them up yesterday but I really don't think they'll throw out 78 photos and they do have my number so if they are wondering they can just freaken call me.

Today I was kinda lazy with cleaning.. xP (or I was just distracted by my sudoku book ;x) Don't tell Brad though, now that he is getting overtime he's been paying me $20 weekly to clean up really good everyday. This is like my third week getting paid and I pretty much already spent the money he's given me.. I still have leftover income tax money though. I kinda ran out of things to clean.. I even cleaned the microwave which I like never do. I even have almost all our laundry done.. that's unheard of in this apartment, there's been at least one full laundry basket of dirty clothes since we've lived here. Me + Brad + Kailynn + Devin = a whole lot of clothes. Sometimes I don't think all this cleaning I do is worth the $20 though... Brad complains sometimes about my cleaning... and like $20 you can get in just three hours for minimal wage at any regular job... while I clean for like 6 hours just on Monday alone. I don't know, I'm just glad I'm making some type of money... I am dreading the day when I have to go back to real work, because I have a feeling Brad is going to be so used to this place being neat and tidy because I am home 24/7 he'll still expect it to be that way when I work. Grrr, like I want to have to go through that stress of working my ass off, cleaning and making sure the kids are being taken care of while he just works. >=\ I just know that's what's going to happen. Makes me want to just be a single mother if I'm going to live through that stress anyways.
So today we did have the chili, it was alright.. I think it could of been a little bit better but I am always basing it off my mom's chili and I believe hers is better than mine somehow. I took pictures because I was bored and felt like it, I was going to include them in this post but I am too lazy at the moment, so I might edit this or add them to my post I'll probably post later in the day when things actually happen because it's far too soon to consider this the post of the day. Hahar, I also did a video of Kailynn today... or more like yesterday, she gave me some kisses and was cute. Might also share that here too. =]

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Mom's Birthday

I'm hoping by making my mom's birthday the subject, I will be able to find this post easily again next year so if I wonder when her birthday is (because I always forget) I can find it. She turned 40 this year.
Now I need to figure out when my dad's birthday is... I know it's in May and is close to mothers day.. but that's about it, and I believe he's only a couple years older than mom. I really need to write this crap down or find a way to remember. =|

Mom's Birthday: April 5th
Dad's Birthday: May ?
Alyssa's Birthday: October 17th
Alaynie's Birthday: October 18th
Acayla's Birthday: ????
Aiden's Birthday: August 15th
Kailynn's Birthday: August 18th
Brad's Birthday: March 26th
Devin's Birthday: March 12th
Jen's Birthday: January 16
Cj's Birthday: September 11th
Ashley's Birthday: December 14th
My Birthday: December 12th
Oh yeah and I hope my dad get's his van fixed by the 19th. I have a doctors appointment at 3 and because Brad has been getting lots of overtime he doesn't want to sacrifice some of it to take me to my appointment. =[[ He hasn't gone to any of this baby's appointments because he's afraid Kailynn will be a pain in the butt. Boo, anyways my dad's van has been getting fixed for like a month at some garage to fix everything that needs to be fixed. So it should be done by then.. I hope. I don't want to have to walk, if I knew it was going to be nice than sure I could probably walk but it'll probably rain and that will piss me off having to walk to drs appointment and be all wet by the time I get there and I'll probably have to lug Kailynn there with me. If my dad get's his van he can probably take me there. If he still has to use his truck there wouldn't be enough room for me, Kailynn and the kids after he's picked them up from school. If he gets van he could also keep Kailynn with him while I'm getting checked. Sigh whatever, I wish Brad was nicer to me. Yay for us having a vehicle but Ashlynn doesn't ever get rides to her doctors appointments when Brad gets overtime.. >=\

This is my third time editing <> want to added something else even though it probably doesn't interest anyone who might read this besides me. We didn't have chili today =[ we had the taco stuff instead. I looked in our cabinet for chili seasoning and didn't find any. Brad picked some up on his way home from work. Chili tomorrow! Also as I type this I am munching on a huge rice crispy treat I made yesterday. Yum, yay for blaming baby on my fatness. It's definitely not because I have a huge bag of sour patch kids and a big batch of rice crispy treats... ;]

Monday, April 4, 2011

Cleaning up the Weekend Mess

This morning it was lightning and thundering, one loud one woke me up, made me jump a little and my heart race. I was surprised it didn't wake up Kailynn.

Did a bunch of cleaning, like every Monday I clean for like 6 hours.. especially after Devin has been here for the weekend... for some reason when he's here or not here this place looks like a tornado has run through it. Every weekend, It's terrible. Takes me forever to clean. So now this place is looking alright although the living room could use a vacuum, which I'll do tomorrow. Yay.
Had meatball subs for dinner today, wrote a list for the week... chili tomorrow. Taco hamburger helper kinda stuff Wednesday. Brad gets paid Thursday so probably pizza. Friday hungry man dinners. Bleh.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Brat

We just took Devin home to Brad's step dads, we stayed there for a little bit to chat and Brad noticed that Kailynn's name had something on it. (They have this quilted like family tree hanging on the wall in their dining room) Brad's step dad said that Devin was mad and scribbled her name off it with a pencil. >=o What a freaken brat. Can I just strangle him, please?

I Don't Enjoy Being a Step Mom

I know I don't like Devin. He's too much of a brat. I really really don't like him and I really don't care if he likes me anymore. =] I already told Brad I don't like him.

He's too mean to Kailynn and he treats me like crap. I really tried to like him but it's really hard to be a new step mom to a 6 year old (he's 8 now) who thinks he already knows everything. If he was younger I think it'd be easier for me to become more of a mommy figure but the people he loves were already in his life before I came along so he doesn't need me. I really really hope we don't ever get full custody of him. He already walks all over me pretty much.

He'll ask a question.. like earlier he asked if it's April Fools and me and Brad said no like at the same time but just because I said no he had to ask again but instead added Dad to the question. Dad, is it April Fools? Like way to just ignore my answer just because I said no too... and I blame it mostly on Brad. I don't ever get to make decisions because Brad is more worried about making Devin like him than anything else. Like last night you can tell Devin was lying through his teeth with everything he was saying. He was outside and he came in and we were wondering what he was doing and if anyone was outside for him to play with and he just kept changing his story so I knew he was just lying and I thought that he should just stay in for the rest of the night because it was already getting dark anyways. So I said no, he can stay inside and eat dinner but Brad pretty much ignored me and let him go back out. Pisses me off, I swear next time that happens and I know it will because it already has happened a few times I will make sure he doesn't go outside, I will fucking block the door so he can't go out so that maybe he will freaken take me serious.

Annoyed At Everything.

I don't know what else to do.. I'm tired of asking, I'm tired of being lonely, invisible, I'm tired of being disrespected. I'm tired of my life. It's lame how little simple things can make me happy and make me feel okay about my lame life and really I should just be really depressed all the time cause nothing in my life is really that great or worth living for. The only reason worth living is for the baby inside me and Kailynn. They are the only people that need me. No one else cares to spend time with me so why not just be dead. I'm already dead to the world being cooped up in this tiny apartment 24/7. No one would miss me, no one invites me anywhere.

I just want to live and experience new things but I feel so alone. I feel like I am the only one that is this lonely. I need attention from more than two people. The only attention I get is from either Kailynn or Jen. Makes me feel pathetic.

I really don't know why I am so depressed today, I'm sorry.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Hostess Cupcake Cake Balls

So I was just stumbling on stumbleupon and I found Melissa Mack's blog SugarDerby, I looked through her baking section and found Hostess Cupcake Cake Balls. Omgosh they look delicious so I just had to write about it here so that when I ever get the time to make them I can quickly find the recipe instead of thumbs upping it and looking for it mixed in with my 3000 favorites I already have on the site. =] I can't wait to make them, just looking at them makes my mouth water.

Another Boring Day

Hmm, not sure what I should write about today...
We got Devin for the weekend, we usually get him every other weekend unless it's the weekend of either mine or Brad's birthday, then we'll get him two weekends in a row before the birthday weekend.

He lives with Brad's stepdad because Brad's real mom took custody of Devin when he was like 3 months old. Janelle (Devin's mom) had post partum depression at the time and Brad was in jail so neither of them could really take good care of him. Jenelle passed away when Devin was 3 in a car accident coming home from work. I'm not really sure what happened though I know I have asked a few times about it and I don't want to ask again. I just know that she was a back passenger and the car swerved and hit another vehicle and it hit her side, she was the only one that died. I'm pretty sure she was pronounced dead at the scene.

Brad's mom passed away almost 2 years ago because of stomach cancer. She had the cancer for awhile because she had the pain for awhile but doctors kept misdiagnosing her. When they finally found it they gave her 6 months to live if she did chemotherapy but chemotherapy ended up just making it worse and she died in 3 months. 3 months before Kailynn was born so that was really upsetting for me because I know she was excited to have a girl grandchild because she had two boys herself. While she was alive she made a bunch of quilts for Kailynn and I got them at my baby shower after she had already passed away... <3 That was definitely emotional for me, I almost cried but everyone was watching me open the presents and a lot of my friends didn't know who made them and that she passed away. =\\

Anyways reason I brought up Devin is because Brad got him today but he must of been at the farm that Brad's step dad's new girlfriend owns. Brad sent me a picture of the baby goat they have. They just recently had a baby goat and a baby cow born there which I think is kinda neat and I wanna see. I was kinda thinking about maybe asking them if I could adopt a little goat or something small but cute and should be pretty easy to take care of and keep it there but obviously I'd have to work and help pay for the food. It'd be neat and different and make life a little bit more interesting for me. I've always loved animals and I'd love to help out on their farm once I get a car. Brad's not really happy that Devin is turning into a little farm boy because Brad is kinda on the gangster side, wears south pole and 99% of the music he listens to is rap. He probably wouldn't really like me turning into a little farm girl either but whatever that's kinda my dream me.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Just Thinking

I was just laying on the couch in complete darkness just now for a little bit waiting for Kailynn to fall asleep with her daddy, this is actually a normal routine of mine.

Our bed is in our living room because we have a really tiny apartment and once Kailynn was born she pretty much took control of our bedroom. This apartment only has one bedroom. First she kicked Brad out (because he works early in the morning and the alarm clock would wake her up.. he slept on the couch) He quickly got tired of that and decided to move the bed out into the living room so that we could sleep together and he could sleep in a bed again (our bed was noisy anyways so that kinda helped more with keeping her asleep during the night) We haven't moved yet because rent is extremely cheap and it's helping us get other things that we need.

Plus my parents also were thinking about buying the house next door, fixing it and letting us live there.. until my dad tore up his knee at work and now limps whenever he needs to walk, he almost has no cartilage in that knee because he's had so many surgeries on it since his motorcycle accident back when he was a teenager. Because his job requires lots of lifting and transporting things from one place to another he doesn't think he'll last much longer there, they have him doing light duty now because his doctor keeps giving him time to heal but it's obvious it's not going to be normal again. So now he and my mom are planning to move over there if they can get it because he's always wanted a one family house and this may be his last chance. So we are planning on finding a another place and moving sometime in August, before the new baby is born.

Today summed up:
Cleaned till Brad got of work at 6:30 pm.
Went to walmart got more pictures developed.. I believe 78 pictures total.. $11
Looked at jewelry and ended up buying some rings and earrings. $10
Went to arbys drive thru for Kailynn and Brad's dinner.
Went to Chinese restaurant place and got myself some takeout. I always feel kinda strange going in there to get take out because they always want to sit you at a table.. This older guy that was waiting for his friend to stop hitting on the Chinese waitress kept staring at me also. Bleh. OMG but the food was yum.. been craving it for so freaken long. $8.01
Ate dinner, watched a little bit of American Idol and then watched a movie called The Next 3 Days. Good movie.
Now I'm here talking to Jen on lame Facebook chat and updating my journal..
Thinking about watching a couple shaytards.. so later alligators!